Mindful Awareness for Parents
When we parent with gratitude, we don’t ignore the hard stuff; we simply choose to see the good alongside it. Over time, this duality creates a resilient, mindful approach to life—one where gratitude becomes a trait, not just a fleeting state.
The Foundation of Parenting with Gratitude©
During the pandemic, I kept a journal to keep myself from loosing time—I’m sure you can remember the days running into one another. Each day, I jotted down my supplements, my mood, and a list of things I was grateful for. What surprised me most was how nourishing that gratitude list became, even amid such hardship at home and all over the world. How could my gratitude grow stronger in the face of so much struggle? This question led me to realize: mindfulness and gratitude are intertwined, and together, they offer a way not just to cope but to thrive as a parent.
Mindfulness in Action: Redefining What It Means
Mindfulness often gets a bad rap. You may think it requires complex routines or dedicated meditation practices. But mindfulness is simply noticing life. And in the context of parenting, gratitude becomes mindfulness in action. When we actively look for what’s going well in our lives as parents—despite the messiness and chaos—we naturally cultivate greater awareness of the present moment.
For example, think about a time when your toddler was on the verge of a meltdown. Maybe they were furiously frustrated and about to throw their favorite toy. If you’ve ever caught yourself marveling at how adorable their tiny scowl is—even possibly holding back a laugh—you’ve experienced the duality of life. Parenting exists in an “AND” world: the toy is about to fly across the room AND your toddler’s sheer determination is endearing.
Mindful awareness helps us live in this duality, where both positive and negative emotions coexist.
Defining Mindful Awareness
Mindful awareness involves being fully present in the moment, acknowledging and accepting one's thoughts and feelings without judgment. It allows individuals to experience life as it unfolds, fostering a deeper connection with oneself and others. - Paul T.P. Wong
Practicing OCEAN: The Traits of Mindful Awareness
Mindfulness consists of five key traits, according to Daniel J. Siegel in The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being (2007):
openness
compassion
empathy
acceptance
and nonjudgment
These are collectively referred to as the OCEAN framework. These traits create a foundation for mindful awareness and provide parents with tools to navigate the duality of parenting moments.
Negative emotions—like anger, frustration, or fear—are evolutionarily loud and often lead us to react without thinking. But in every moment of parenting, we also have access to the aspects of OCEAN from openness, to compassion, to empathy. The key is learning to leverage these quieter traits. It takes practice, but with time, they can become as natural as our initial emotional responses.
For instance, when my teenager snaps at me for asking if his homework is done, I could easily react to his tone. But instead, I’ve learned to say, “Hey, I’m noticing your tone feels a bit harsh. We’re just talking logistics—there’s no judgment here.” This small, mindful acknowledgment gives him the space to pause, breathe, and recalibrate. It also allows me to respond with compassion rather than escalating into conflict.
From Gratitude as a State to Gratitude as a Trait
Looking at life through the lens of parenting with gratitude© is an intentional, daily choice. It means seeking out the good and looking for what’s going right–even on the hardest days. Over time, this practice evolves gratitude from a fleeting temporary state into a lasting trait—a consistent way of seeing the world.
This evolution changes the way we interpret our mistakes. As parents, we all mess up. But when gratitude becomes a trait, we know from past experience that the good we’ve cultivated far outweighs the bad. It creates a deep self-trust in the overall balance of our parenting journey and reinforces our sense of self-efficacy and agency.
Parental Agency: Trusting What’s Already Within You
Practical Ways to Build Parental Agency
Mindful awareness and gratitude reinforce my belief that I have everything I need within myself–and you do too. When we choose to see the good and embrace our parenting wins, we tap into a reservoir of self-trust. This process builds self-efficacy—or the confidence that we can navigate challenges—and helps us reclaim our power in a world that often tells us we’re not enough.
Connecting More Deeply: The Surprising Benefits
The practice of mindfulness and gratitude doesn’t just impact how we parent; it also deepens our connection with our children and ourselves. When I’m not caught up in reactive emotions, I can meet my kids where they are, with all the compassion and acceptance they deserve.
Even in moments of tension—like when my son is being driven by hormonal surges he can’t fully control—I’ve found that offering understanding instead of judgment transforms our interactions. This doesn’t mean I ignore bad behavior; it means I choose a mindful response that leaves room for repair and growth.
A Foundation for Parenting with Gratitude©
Mindful awareness is the foundation of parenting with gratitude. By cultivating traits like openness, compassion, and acceptance as outlined by Siegel, we learn to see parenting not as a series of battles to be fought but as a journey filled with unnoticed moments of grace and growth. And as we practice gratitude, we shift our perspective to one that recognizes not just the challenges of parenting but also its many benefits.
When we parent with gratitude, we don’t ignore the hard stuff; we simply choose to see the good alongside it. Over time, this duality creates a resilient, mindful approach to life—one where gratitude becomes a trait, not just a fleeting state. And in doing so, we discover that everything we need to thrive as parents is already within us. - Stef