It is what it is : Parenting with Equanimity
I want to live a more open life. I want to accept all the parts of me, of my parenting journey.
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Therapy has taught me that even after you talk about trauma it doesn’t go away. So there’s really not a solution or Magic Eraser you can use.
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What happens is it becomes lighter to carry. I can look at moments from my childhood and say, “yep, that was hard.” but they aren’t as charged or heavy as they used to be.
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This is called equanimity. An “It is what it is” mentality. The acceptance of your personal reality: there is good and there is bad and then there is everything in between.
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You may think oh this is the zero f**ks people always talk about - but no, it’s not passive acceptance either. You’ve just got to choose your battles if you want your voice to be heard.
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Equanimity starts with the acceptance that we cannot control change. It’s our only constant. This makes life beautiful and terrifying all at once.
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I do not have control over anyone else’s actions except for my own. I do not have control over the sun or the tides or whether the person next-door decides to go to rehab or read just one more mystery novel.
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Can I fight and claw for that control? Yes. I can watch and gossip and wonder all I want about the neighbors. I can hover and “Care” and coax my children to be more polite or a bit less loud when they are excited or care about clean floors as much as I do.
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But the thing is we live in the reality we create for ourselves – and at some point we have to decide if that world is going to our own authentic experience or one that we hold so tightly to that we can’t actually see what’s true anymore.
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What would you choose?