Parenting with an Open Heart
My intention this month has been: I am capable of living with an open heart.
You would think that would be easy, but it is so not.
I had the kind of childhood that closed my heart off to me. It sealed up tight to keep me safe, to protect me. Cracking it open enough to hear what I actually need and want takes courage. It also takes a ton of practice. On top of that, I am not just fighting against my skewed worldview, in fact, we are all fighting every day to take control of our negativity bias. This bias runs much deeper than our childhood experiences, at an evolutionary level. It’s what kept our ancestors alive. And it’s what got us here.
Living with an open heart also means you have to be OK with being vulnerable — with feeling the hurt of rejection or taking a risk that fails. During these days of quarantine, it doesn’t feel like I can take one more thing, my heart is closed up for the moment trying to make it through just one more day. It’s busy trying to maintain the level of acceptance and kindness I have right now and trying not to rock the boat. I mean I have come so far - the first 2 weeks I cried every day - s$#t was a mess. Now I have reached a bit more of a plateau-like place (?) and damn if I’m not going to set up camp and live here till this whole thing is over.
So is my heart open? Not really. Am I willing to be vulnerable to grow as a person right now? Not really. Am I discovering my inner desires and wants? Not really. Maybe it’s an excuse to keep me safe, maybe this is just April for me. I’ll wait till May to see.
