Family Gratitude Ideas: March

Well, in spite of the time change, March can still be a source of small moments of gratitude and grace. The daffodils are pushing their way up anyway despite the layer of snow. And in the West, we are drying out - just a bit - from the relentless rains. The March winds blow no matter where you may live, and it’s not quite time for those spring clothes. But there is a lot to be grateful for. We have our families, and our children are ever insistent and curious about the world. Here are a few ways to spend the month while we wait out the transition from the quiet (and possibly very grey) winter into Spring.

Quarterly Review

Sure, you aren’t running a Fortune 500. Still, if you’re like me, you may bounce from one gratitude practice to the next throughout the year, so pausing to reflect on a quarterly basis can actually be pretty helpful for refining and remembering all that good work. Take out a piece of notebook paper and divide it into three squares. Inside each, you can either reflect on what went well that month OR write down the different gratitude practices you tried with your family or solo. Studies show that it's not just our active gratitude practices that contribute to our well-being - but reflecting on what we already did and what we were already grateful for can contribute just as much. So, no good deed goes wasted!

A Gratitude Treasure Hunt

This gratitude-themed indoor scavenger hunt is set up so that all you have to do is place the cards in the assigned rooms. At the end, your child gets a special prize (hint: it’s a list of things you love about them that they can hang up in their room). Download yours here.

Change the Prompt, Find Inspiration

Sometimes, if you change the prompt, kids are more open to sharing the gratitude they feel. After all, our society makes gratitude so much about indebtedness, and that pressure is not really the point. My definition of gratitude is appreciating the interconnectedness of life, that we all are one and share in the common good - nature, too. When we take the time to notice that, it makes our soul glow.

One Nice Thing…

This is a fresh prompt for before or after dinner. You can switch it up each night depending on their mood. Simply go around the table and say, “Name one nice thing about…” inserting a person or pet in your life, a place you go often, or a vacation or adventure you just went on. When we switch the word to “nice,” there is less pressure to get it ‘right’ or to look for an overarching BEST thing.

Surprising…

Freshening up for spring can also mean finding another way to connect after school and work. On the way home, instead of the standard, “How was your day dear?” try “What was something surprising that happened today?” (p.s. This works great with kids, teens, AND partners, tbh). Stories that spring up from this prompt tend to be exciting and surprising but also filled with appreciation and gratitude for the event or circumstance. Maybe they skipped PE and watched a movie in the gym - fun! Maybe the bus went a different way, and they got to see a Corvette. Maybe your partner took a walk at lunch instead of eating at their desk. Who knows!

Fresh Reads

For the adults:

Beautiful Chaos by Jessica Urlichs

This book of poems is incredible, written by a mother going through all the early stages of parenthood, from the realization of her own mothers love to the struggles that abound as toddlerhood hits. I love it because it presents a balanced POV, sharing the hard times and the beautiful heart-flooded moments. Here’s a sample for the month - follow her on Instagram here.

For the kids:

In the Small, Small Pond AND In the Tall, Tall Grass, both by Denise Flemming

These books are classics because, in their simplicity, they showcase magic moments that all children can relate to. Imagine getting down and pretending you live among the leaves of grass or looking at water bugs in a pond as they magically ‘swim’ on top of the water. Small moments make up a childhood, and the verbs that Flemming uses will surely get them laughing.

Gratitude is already woven into so many parts of your family’s life—sometimes, we just need a little refresh to see it. Looking for more ideas? Check out February’s post, which is filled with even more ways to celebrate the strengths that make your family uniquely yours.

Shorten Nighttime Wakings With These 10 Tips

Ok, so nighttime waking happens, but nighttime turning into playtime can be a nightmare - short and sweet is what we are after. But after 20 years as a professional nanny, I am sure that the easiest way is for your toddler to feel safe and supported. They need to feel your confidence because you have a plan, and they need to feel connected to you — because it’s scary to wake up and be alone in the dark when they are only two!

So let’s learn to address nighttime waking quickly and still honor your child’s need for connection.

First, let’s check your Environmental Set Up:

• Make sure you use red light - not white in the middle of the night if needed.

• Make sure the room is dark but feels safe.

• Do they have their favorite lovey or stuffy?

• I love a wind-up flashlight because it gives them autonomy, and it doesn’t last all night.

• Do they have an “Ok to Wake” toddler clock?

• I would also suggest a visual timer if you come back and check on them in a set amount of time.

• Make sure you have a book like The Middle of the Night Book in their bed, ready to go — or keep it on your nightstand.

Shorten toddler night wakings with these 10 easy steps

1. Take a breath. Middle of the waking is normal behavior, especially if they are learning something new like walking or talking or going through any transitions like starting daycare or potty training.

2. Do not ignore them. Connection and belonging are important at this age, so go to them when they wake (or they will come to you!).

3. Make a physical connection - use soothing touch or empathetic eye contact.

4. Listen and reflect emotions - try not to use language that feels like ‘fixing’.

5. Learn the three stages of falling asleep:

   1. Regulate - work out tough emotions or extra energy together by breathing, hugging, or listening patiently before expecting them to go back to sleep.

   2. Settle - help them to get comfortable and find the items they need to feel safe and secure in their bed, see #6 for tips.

   3. Soothe - remind them you are there, encourage them to notice their body’s sleepiness, and rub their back or forehead if they like that for a short time. This touch encourages the brain to produce oxytocin which helps to soothe a child back to sleep. At this stage, you must leave before they fall asleep so they can learn to do it independently.

6. Every night, practice a structured and simple bedtime routine that concludes with three simple rules they can remember “Calm body, Quiet mouth, Stay in your bed.” Your bedtime routine acts as the “Regulation” stage of falling asleep and is especially important to repeat during the middle of the night.

7. Then ask their permission to check in on them in a few minutes. Set a visual timer for when you will be back. Assure them that they can do this on their own. “I fall asleep on my own, and you can too! You did great at bedtime! I promise I will be back in 5 minutes to check on you.”

8. Say goodnight and leave. Have a Goodbye mantra that you use every time you leave. “You’re safe, and you’re loved, Collin,” or “Time for sleep, Collin. Goodnight, I love you.”

9. Make sure you return in the time allotted but quietly if you commit to doing a check-in. If they are still awake, check in and say I am still here if you need me, but you are doing great! I can come back and check again - is that something you want? And then, set the timer again and leave. If you have successfully gone through the 3 stages of sleep, it should only take 1 or 2 extra checks before they go to sleep naturally. However, if they are worked up or stressed, this will have the opposite effect, so really make sure they are regulated and settled before leaving the first time.

10. Talk about their successes in the AM with visual aids like a calendar or a sleeping photo of them - ignore the behavior you did not like.

Other Pro Tips:

• Do not make the transition to a toddler bed until you have introduced a toddler clock 

• If your child is learning a new skill during the day they will be more likely to

  wake at night

• Remember their Hierarchy of needs - belonging and connection before anything else.

• One transition at a time, so if they are potty training, do not introduce a toddler bed, etc.

• Lots of high-quality interactions before bed! You’ve got this!

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Other posts on sleep:

New! Donate a book to a family in need.

Each day parents all over the country wake up tired. They go to work and hope that their baby or toddler will sleep just one night all the way through - and sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.

I wrote The Middle of the Night Book so that parents had a tool to turn to when they were too tired to think, I based the book on the proven soothing meditation called a bodyscan — and it works.

“That first night I tried it in the middle of the night, she went back to bed afterwards and it seemed to work like a charm. Now we read it before bed & if she wakes up before morning. I’ve also had my husband download it on his phone should he need it when I'm away. She's waking up crying in the middle of the night less often, and if she does wake up we just read the book and out she goes.” - Ashley

Everyone deserves a good night sleep. We all are in this together. And so, with every book purchase you have the option to purchase a book for a family in need - at a discounted rate!

All books are donated to programs that offer parenting support groups and parenting education. Some of the local organizations I donate to on a regular basis are:

• Homeless Prenatal Program - San Francisco, CA

• Marin Foster Care Association - San Rafael, CA

• Children’s Council - San Francisco, CA

However, I don’t just want to support a small slice of CA - I want to support organizations in your community! So please add your organization of choice to the comments below and we will send donations their way. Thank you!

Mindful Children's Book #2 - Vote!

Help me pick my next book!

What do you think your child needs more right now?

The Gratitude Book will be about focusing on the good even in tough situations plus all the different ways we can express and feel gratitude every day.

The Letting Go Book will be about releasing things that we hold on to - difficult emotions, wanting things to stay the same, wanting people to act a certain way, etc.

Each book will incorporate a body awareness technique like my last book The Middle of the Night Book did. I feel strongly that children learn best when their mind AND body are engaged - and studies show that too.

Watch the video then vote in the comments below! Do you own my first book? Get it here!