Shorten Nighttime Wakings With These 10 Tips
Nighttime waking happens. Learn the steps to take to make it a short and sweet adventure - not a midnight playtime.
Ok, so nighttime waking happens, but nighttime turning into playtime can be a nightmare - short and sweet is what we are after. But after 20 years as a professional nanny, I am sure that the easiest way is for your toddler to feel safe and supported. They need to feel your confidence because you have a plan, and they need to feel connected to you — because it’s scary to wake up and be alone in the dark when they are only two!
So let’s learn to address nighttime waking quickly and still honor your child’s need for connection.
First, let’s check your Environmental Set Up:
Make sure you use red light - not white in the middle of the night if needed.
Make sure the room is dark but feels safe.
Do they have their favorite lovey or stuffy?
I love a wind-up flashlight because it gives them autonomy, and it doesn’t last all night.
Do they have an “Ok to Wake” toddler clock?
I would also suggest a visual timer if you come back and check on them in a set amount of time.
Make sure you have a book like The Middle of the Night Book in their bed, ready to go — or keep it on your nightstand.
Shorten toddler night wakings with these 10 easy steps
Take a breath. Middle of the waking is normal behavior, especially if they are learning something new like walking or talking or going through any transitions like starting daycare or potty training.
Do not ignore them. Connection and belonging are important at this age, so go to them when they wake (or they will come to you!).
Make a physical connection - use soothing touch or empathetic eye contact.
Listen and reflect emotions - try not to use language that feels like ‘fixing’.
Learn the three stages of falling asleep:
Regulate - work out tough emotions or extra energy together by breathing, hugging, or listening patiently before expecting them to go back to sleep.
Settle - help them to get comfortable and find the items they need to feel safe and secure in their bed, see #6 for tips.
Soothe - remind them you are there, encourage them to notice their body’s sleepiness, and rub their back or forehead if they like that for a short time. This touch encourages the brain to produce oxytocin which helps to soothe a child back to sleep. At this stage, you must leave before they fall asleep so they can learn to do it independently.
Every night, practice a structured and simple bedtime routine that concludes with three simple rules they can remember “Calm body, Quiet mouth, Stay in your bed.” Your bedtime routine acts as the “Regulation” stage of falling asleep and is especially important to repeat during the middle of the night.
Then ask their permission to check in on them in a few minutes. Set a visual timer for when you will be back. Assure them that they can do this on their own. “I fall asleep on my own, and you can too! You did great at bedtime! I promise I will be back in 5 minutes to check on you.”
Say goodnight and leave. Have a Goodbye mantra that you use every time you leave. “You’re safe, and you’re loved, Collin,” or “Time for sleep, Collin. Goodnight, I love you.”
Make sure you return in the time allotted but quietly if you commit to doing a check-in. If they are still awake, check in and say I am still here if you need me, but you are doing great! I can come back and check again - is that something you want? And then, set the timer again and leave. If you have successfully gone through the 3 stages of sleep, it should only take 1 or 2 extra checks before they go to sleep naturally. However, if they are worked up or stressed, this will have the opposite effect, so really make sure they are regulated and settled before leaving the first time.
Talk about their successes in the AM with visual aids like a calendar or a sleeping photo of them - ignore the behavior you did not like.
Other Pro Tips:
Do not make the transition to a toddler bed until you have introduced a toddler clock
If your child is learning a new skill during the day they will be more likely to
wake at night
Remember their Hierarchy of needs - belonging and connection before anything else.
One transition at a time, so if they are potty training, do not introduce a toddler bed, etc.
Lots of high-quality interactions before bed! You’ve got this!
Other posts on sleep:
New! Donate a book to a family in need.
Each day parents all over the country wake up tired. They go to work and hope that their baby or toddler will sleep just one night all the way through - and sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. Buy a book, and donate another to a family in need. We are in this together.
Each day parents all over the country wake up tired. They go to work and hope that their baby or toddler will sleep just one night all the way through - and sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.
I wrote The Middle of the Night Book so that parents had a tool to turn to when they were too tired to think, I based the book on the proven soothing meditation called a bodyscan — and it works.
“That first night I tried it in the middle of the night, she went back to bed afterwards and it seemed to work like a charm. Now we read it before bed & if she wakes up before morning. I’ve also had my husband download it on his phone should he need it when I'm away. She's waking up crying in the middle of the night less often, and if she does wake up we just read the book and out she goes.” - Ashley
Everyone deserves a good night sleep. We all are in this together. And so, with every book purchase you have the option to purchase a book for a family in need - at a discounted rate!
All books are donated to programs that offer parenting support groups and parenting education. Some of the local organizations I donate to on a regular basis are:
Homeless Prenatal Program - San Francisco, CA
Marin Foster Care Association - San Rafael, CA
Children’s Council - San Francisco, CA
However, I don’t just want to support a small slice of CA - I want to support organizations in your community! So please add your organization of choice to the comments below and we will send donations their way. Thank you!
Mindful Children's Book #2 - Vote!
Help me pick my next book topic - let’s vote on it!
Help me pick my next book!
What do you think your child needs more right now?
The Gratitude Book will be about focusing on the good even in tough situations plus all the different ways we can express and feel gratitude every day.
The Letting Go Book will be about releasing things that we hold on to - difficult emotions, wanting things to stay the same, wanting people to act a certain way, etc.
Each book will incorporate a body awareness technique like my last book The Middle of the Night Book did. I feel strongly that children learn best when their mind AND body are engaged - and studies show that too.
Watch the video then vote in the comments below! Do you own my first book? Get it here!