Gratitude Before Mindfulness…

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Let me explain my thinking here…

Let’s dive into my trusty “Snowstorm Metaphor” — I developed this as a way to open the book I am writing called GoodAF Mom (still in progress sign up to be notified here!).

Often when I find myself struggling as a parent to stay mindful and present I revisit it to remind myself just how simple mindfulness can be.

I am originally from New England, so naturally this metaphor came to me while driving one day in beautiful California feeling absolutely GRATEFUL for no snow, ever.

The metaphor

Imagine you are driving on the highway and it has been snowing for maybe an hour or two - it’s not coming down too hard, but it’s not a light dusting either. Your exit arrives and you notice that the snow has built up somewhat on the ramp. But you’re by yourself and have driven in snow your whole life so you’re not too worried about the ramp or the roads on your way home. You slightly decrease your speed as you come down the ramp and head home without much worry.

Now imagine that same exit with kids in the backseat. Not wanting to get into an accident in freezing cold weather, you’re instantly worried and immediately slow down. You turn down Raffi and become hyper-focused on the cars and pedestrians around you. There’s a sudden hush in the back seat as your little ones absorb your rising anxiety level and you take it super slow and methodical all the way home, getting there a bit past bedtime, but totally safe.

Now imagine that same exit ramp, except this time a plow has been over it recently. You can see the deep dark road showing through the freshly cleared snow and you know you will have some grip on the turns home. Maybe you release your grip on the steering wheel a little and keep the music at its normal volume — all while keeping a steady gaze at the road and other cars nearby. You let your anxiety ease up a bit too, and get home with plenty of time for bedtime.

OK, so what does it all mean?

I am guessing it’s pretty obvious that the snowstorm in the metaphor is life and everything that it brings with it, right? We are not in control of the snow or how hard or soft it falls, whether or not it melts in the atmosphere and becomes rain, or evaporates to allow the sun to shine down. It’s all just weather.

Privilege, race, and other cultural factors place us all in different cars, but no matter what you drive, the path that leads you home is mindful awareness. Along the mindfulness path, we learn to respond instead of react, to bring compassion and love to every aspect of our journey no matter what others may think, to give of ourselves for the betterment of others, and to notice that we have exactly what we need right now in this very moment. Mindfulness can guide us to a cozy, safe, and warm home, where we are loved for who we are, right now, with no judgment.

I want to make it clear that the path can be taken unplowed. You can add mindfulness to your to-do list and it can become a solid, committed part of your daily life — with hard work. And if you have kids in the back seat it will take diligence and a steady hand, but it can be done — I see people doing all around me, all of the time.

But wouldn’t you rather take the road that was plowed? Even a little bit?

Well, that road is plowed with gratitude.

I consider gratitude the simplest and smoothest path you can take to a life filled with mindfulness and well-being.

Yes, a basic mindfulness practice would be enough if maybe I didn’t have really loud kids in the back seat (who trigger my childhood trauma at every turn). If it was quieter I may even get to a place of deep well-being easily with a solid yoga, meditation, and breath-work practice.

But I have kids and trauma - and they are both loud and take up a lot of my attention. My kids still really NEED me to be thinking of them first. And trauma doesn’t really go away does it? With therapy, it becomes something more manageable, but it’s still there sitting in the trunk of the car. And so I have to stay focused, maybe not white-knuckling my way along our shared life’s path, but I’ve still got to drive.

And so I would prefer the plowed road. Wouldn’t you?

Every day I chose gratitude as my snowplow. It’s my stepping stone towards a more mindful life. I gave it a try and it paid off for me. And now I want that for you and for all parents — because it ended up being so simple! It wasn’t a chore or a big, life-changing spiritual experience. It was so easy to look at my life and find things I was thankful for because I have kids. Because I have a source of love and laughter and silliness already in my life.

Because they were in the car with me, gratitude came naturally.

WHo is in your car?

How do you plow the road then?

How do you come to accept that among the unpredictable weather there is freedom and peace (and the possibility for a few snow angels)?

You buy yourself a Gratitude Journal and you wake up each morning, scan your yesterday, and write down 10 things you are grateful for. That’s it. And you do this every single day (trying not to skip).

If you do this I promise you gratitude will change you. It will make everything else on the mindfulness “path” - the awareness, the meditation, the PATIENCE - appear at the right time, as if the road had been plowed. The anxiety will fade, the music and laughter will remain, and your kids will make it to the next part of their journey in plenty of time for bed.

So if you decide that you would like to skip the white-knuckled path to mindfulness and try a smoother route please let me know how went for you fill out my gratitude survey here and be part of my upcoming book!

Just an FYI: In my experience, it seemed to take about 4 to 6 weeks to really notice the changes — but I am confident they will come and I will be excited to hear more from you when they do!

till next time - Stef