How to Stay Grounded Amidst Parenting Chaos
Cultivating Equanimity: Finding Emotional Groundedness Amidst the Chaos
Understanding Equanimity: The Key to Overcoming Overwhelm and Anxiety
Equanimity, a word not often heard in everyday conversation, is simply learning the skills of emotional groundedness and non-reactivity. Cultivating equanimity can be a transformative practice in the whirlwind of motherhood and its overwhelming moments. In this blog post, I will get into the concept of equanimity, explore its relevance to motherhood, and uncover practical strategies for embracing it amidst the chaos. Let’s learn more about equanimity by understanding what it is not. We can learn to navigate the storms of motherhood with grace, resilience, and a sense of calm if we also understand the different states of overwhelm many mothers experience.
Motherhood presents us with two distinct forms of overwhelm. The first pops up when we feel saturated and like we have NO choices. We get caught in a sensory overload or a whirlwind of emotions. We freeze, feel stuck, and powerless. The second type emerges from uncertainty and anxiety, where our minds fill the void of "not knowing" with so many horrible possibilities. We spin our wheels, consumed by worry and indecision. Both forms of overwhelm can leave us feeling trapped and emotionally drained.
Weathering the Storm: Equanimity as a Powerful Tool for Stress Management
Motherhood, particularly in the first five years, is filled with constant stress activation. As stress researcher Dr. Elissa Epel emphasizes in her book, "The Stress Prescription," everyone has a unique stress starting baseline. This “baseline” determines how much additional stress we can handle. When our baseline is already high due to the challenges of motherhood, unexpected events (insert toddler playing in the toilet) can cause it to spike even higher. And since we carry a higher baseline during this part of our lives, developing equanimity becomes essential for maintaining balance amidst the chaos.
Imagine motherhood as a house you've built on a beautiful piece of land. The weather that comes and goes represents the ever-changing nature of children—sometimes sunny, other times stormy. Some days are delightful, while others bring destruction and chaos. However, much like the weather, we cannot control our children's behavior entirely. Instead, we must focus on responding to the storms they bring and finding equanimity in the face of challenging moments.
Building Equanimity: Practices for Grounding and Regulating
To develop equanimity, it is essential to engage in grounding/mindfulness practices regularly. These practices allow us to find emotional stability amidst the storm. The one I always start with is getting outside to take a walk and deliberately noticing the awe-inspiring elements of my surroundings. A simple walk around the block, focusing on gratitude for our community, can bring a sense of calm to both ourselves and the toddler will bring along.
Interacting with pets is another great source of grounding and regulation. If they let you, taking the time to brush the family dog or engaging in playtime with cats helps anchor us in the present moment. Animals possess a remarkable ability to offer comfort and regulation, even during chaotic times.
Unveiling the Power of Equanimity: How Mindfulness Transforms Parenting
Ok, and finally, utilizing moments of calm and sunshine to practice mindfulness allows us to experience the present moment fully. A body scan is a simple practice where we explore each part of our bodies while expressing gratitude for their contributions to our well-being. It can be done anywhere you find yourself sitting. You can also practice mindfulness by active listening. While your preschooler tells you his story for the nth time, stay in the present moment, notice your thoughts, and let them pass. Allow your attention to rest completely on the content of their story. Ask questions, and engage only when they finish their run-on sentences.
These seemingly simple grounding exercises lay the foundation for cultivating equanimity. And they can be practiced when things are GOOD, not out of control.
Empowering Yourself with Equanimity: Cultivating Emotional Strength and Perspective
It is important to remember that equanimity does not overwrite or replace big emotions or challenging situations. Instead, it allows us to navigate them confidently, free from excessive reactivity or resistance (even if it’s just 10% less reactivity). By embracing equanimity, we acknowledge that stressors come from outside of us, but trigger internal responses. Cultivating this relationship with stressors empowers us to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
Embracing Grace and Equanimity: Finding Peace amidst the Challenges of Motherhood
As mothers, we often blame ourselves for the chaos and self-doubt that can accompany parenting. However, it is important to recognize that these challenges are not our fault. Embracing equanimity means offering ourselves grace and accepting the realities of motherhood without judgment. Through this self-compassionate lens, we can find peace within the storm.
In the journey of motherhood, cultivating equanimity is a valuable practice that allows us to weather ups and downs with grace, resilience, and calm. By differentiating between overwhelming states and the groundedness of equanimity, we can develop strategies to find emotional stability amidst the chaos. Remember, even with all the messiness and challenges, you are a GoodAF Mom. - Stef
