Caregiver Burnout - Let's Be Real
With society’s constant pressures to be a perfect and attentive parent, we are all ripe for Parental or Caregiver Burnout or even what the Mayo Clinic calls ‘Caregiver Stress.’
Not sure if you have Caregiver Burnout? Maybe you are just overtired or anxious? Take the quiz! Or look at the color chart I have included.
Don’t want to take the quiz? Simply check to see if you have felt more than one of these in the past week:
Totally overwhelmed or feeling trapped
Exhausted by 3 pm
Getting too much sleep or not enough
Major weight fluctuation
Flying off the handle - a lot
Feeling depressed or uninterested in activities you used to enjoy
Resentful of your children
Drinking/smoking/self-medicating (more than usual…)
isolating from friends or family (more than usual…)
Your body has decided to become stiff and sore — or new issues like stomachaches/headaches have started to appear on the regular.
I’m surprised Caregiver burnt-out wasn’t talked about BEFORE the pandemic based on this list!
So How do I fix this?
Listen, there’s actually a big list of ways, and I quote the Mayo Clinic directly below, but I want you to know you are not alone. The struggles of modern parenting and what many sociologists call Intensive Parenting are real for us all. I always seem to be bouncing in and out of burnt-out (or yellow and orange). The goal is to live in the yellow or green for longer by caring for ourselves when we are in the orange and definitely the red.
Understanding Caregiver Burnout:
Caregiver burnout is a result of the tremendous responsibilities and pressures placed on modern mothers. The demands of caregiving can be emotionally draining and physically exhausting, leading to a decline in our health and well-being. Symptoms of caregiver burnout are listed above but may include feeling: overwhelmed, extremely tired, changes in sleep patterns, weight fluctuations, irritability, depression, social isolation, and neglecting one's own needs.
The Power of Gratitude in Combating Burnout:
It makes you feel better - in all the ways. Numerous studies have highlighted the positive impact of practicing gratitude on mental well-being. Expressing gratitude has been linked to lower levels of stress, depression, and anxiety. By focusing on the positive aspects of caregiving and acknowledging the support received from others, you can shift your mindset and reduce the overwhelm. No, you don’t have to ignore the bad - shift your focus a little and look for the good - it’s there, I promise you.
It makes your relationships happier. Gratitude encourages you to see the positive aspects of your relationships and enhances social connection. So if you express gratitude towards the people in your life who support you, whether it’s family, friends, or people you hire, this cultivates stronger bonds. And social support acts as a buffer against future burnout by providing a sense of understanding and shared responsibility.
It helps you to stick through tough times and cope. Research suggests that gratitude plays a vital role in enhancing resilience and coping mechanisms. When you adopt a grateful mindset, it’s like you’re saying, “I will make the effort to find meaning and purpose in my role.” Taking on parenthood as a learning opportunity instead of a source of stress allows you to reframe the chaos as an opportunity for growth, which it certainly is — and that leads to greater resilience in the face of adversity.
It provides simple and free self-care and mindfulness. Practicing gratitude encourages you to prioritize self-care. Once you stop to notice what you have, you may see what you lack — basic needs like sleep and calories are my guess. You can prevent future burnout by acknowledging your non-negotiables, but within those overwhelming moments where you choose to pause, expressing gratitude and savoring them will help to extend their impact. Gratitude promotes mindfulness, helping you stay present, in the moment, and appreciate the small pleasures of motherhood.
It grounds you emotionally. Taking care of kids non-stop can lead to emotional exhaustion and feeling like you are totally isolated. Gratitude serves as a powerful tool in countering these negative emotions. Engaging in daily gratitude practices, such as keeping a gratitude journal or expressing appreciation to oneself, helps caregivers cultivate positive emotions and find joy in their caregiving journey. You can try out a new practice each day by joining my 10-week How To Parent with Gratitude Series here (its free.)
Caregiver burnout is serious. If you are in the orange or the red, that requires attention and proactive strategies for prevention and management - scroll to the bottom of the page for more from the Mayo Clinic.
The power of gratitude in combating burnout is priceless for prevention.
By incorporating gratitude practices into your daily routine, you won’t go as deep into the overwhelm, you will be willing to ask for help sooner and tough out hard times more easily. You will prioritize easy and free self-care and strengthen your overall happiness and groundedness. As moms, we can express gratitude for the meaningful moments and the support we receive because there are so many opportunities to do so. And I hope that you always remember that no matter your mindset, you are a GoodAF Mom - Stef
PLease: If you are burned out, especially in red, please tell your partner, or a close friend, or see your doctor.
Sometimes it helps to set up a code word with them - Or if you can’t, make sure to explain to them that “when I am taking naps every day at 2 pm, that’s not normal for me” so they know when to step in and be there for you without you having to ask.
For additional help you can call: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line
And you can find parenting support here: 1-800-632-8188 - The Parent Stress Line Confidential and Anonymous Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Try these Next:
Here’s the Mayo Clinic’s List of things you can do for Caregiver Burn out since I am not a doctor or a psychologist - Read the full article here:
"The emotional and physical demands involved with caregiving can strain even the most resilient person. That's why it's so important to take advantage of the many resources and tools available to help you provide care for your loved one. Remember, if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to care for anyone else.
To help manage caregiver stress:
Accept help. Be prepared with a list of ways that others can help you, and let the helper choose what he or she would like to do. For instance, a friend may offer to take the person you care for on a walk a couple of times a week. Or a friend or family member may be able to run an errand, pick up your groceries or cook for you.
Focus on what you are able to provide. It's normal to feel guilty sometimes, but understand that no one is a "perfect" caregiver. Believe that you are doing the best you can and making the best decisions you can at any given time.
Set realistic goals. Break large tasks into smaller steps that you can do one at a time. Prioritize, make lists and establish a daily routine. Begin to say no to requests that are draining, such as hosting holiday meals.
Get connected. Find out about caregiving resources in your community. Many communities have classes specifically about the disease your loved one is facing. Caregiving services such as transportation, meal delivery or housekeeping may be available.
Join a support group. A support group can provide validation and encouragement, as well as problem-solving strategies for difficult situations. People in support groups understand what you may be going through. A support group can also be a good place to create meaningful friendships.
Seek social support. Make an effort to stay well-connected with family and friends who can offer nonjudgmental emotional support. Set aside time each week for connecting, even if it's just a walk with a friend.
Set personal health goals. For example, set goals to establish a good sleep routine, find time to be physically active on most days of the week, eat a healthy diet and drink plenty of water.
Many caregivers have issues with sleeping. Not getting quality sleep over a long period of time can cause health issues. If you have trouble getting a good night's sleep, talk to your doctor.
See your doctor. Get recommended vaccinations and screenings. Make sure to tell your doctor that you're a caregiver. Don't hesitate to mention any concerns or symptoms you have”