Being Grateful for What Sucks
Laundry, dishes, playroom messes — reframing the things that suck in our lives.
Listen to this blog post as a podcast:
You are not broken Mama, and you don’t need fixing.
Ok, so I am not the only person that has said this to you before, huh? I am sure that you have seen it on Instagram or Pinterest in a cute graphic, but what does “you don’t need fixing” really mean?
Well, when you are in a “fixing” mindset, everything needs to be fixed; things need a hard look and need to be rearranged or changed in some way. So if you’re sad - you need to be not sad; if your sink is full of dishes, that s#$% needs to change.
And if you identify as a woman, this is a story that you have been told since you were born. You’re too loud, you’re not polite enough, your dress is too short, and you're broken in so many ways you never knew you were - you thought you were whole, but the world told you, you were not.
And, of course, as mothers, we are told a new set of things that we are not doing well. And it makes us anxious and keeps us busy constantly fixing. And as a community, we are not feeling ourselves anymore. We are tired AF and fed up.
And it’s true its not just our psyches telling us to shape up, everywhere we turn, someone is offering to FIX us and make it all better – You are parenting TOO much! and working TOO hard! and not caring for yourselves ENOUGH! OMG would you REST! But all we want is to make it through another day, eager to slip off quietly into the solitary peace of the post-bedtime routine scroll until we pass the F out.
I call this the Modern Parenting Set Up.
Needless to say, our negative leaning mindsets are not totally our fault. And the worst part of that is our brains are wired to stay vigilant to survive, so we avoid failure, and we take our mistakes very, very seriously - some would say too seriously based on our advanced environments and the relative safety our communities provide, there isn’t a tiger in every bush anymore.
So yes, we need reminding that we are not broken. We are GoodAF moms living in a messy and still evolving world. And fixing ourselves to make it all better isn’t necessarily the key. What actually needs to happen is we need to teach ourselves to look through a new lens - one that sees the world for what it is without the judging and survival instincts we carry around.
Let's use an example: Say you walk into your toddler's room, and their room is a disaster, like toys are just like — everywhere. And immediately, obviously, you're overwhelmed. But then the next thing that comes through is: Wow, I am raising a lazy and entitled child, and I'm doing a horrible job.
Now, back up, and go back into the room and try to lose the fixing mindset. Bring a curious, non-judgmental view instead: Wow, there are toys on the ground. Okay, what are toys for? to be played with. And without trying to fix the situation, we can see that what is happening in this room is actually a well-lived toddler life. This is a good childhood. We get to a place of wow, I'm a really good parent because I've provided the things that my child needs. And they're playing with them. And they're growing and learning and developing as a human. And that's amazing.
Looking around our house at the places where society has told us to think one way and actually put down the fixing mindset and look at it as what it is:
Wow, that's a sink full of dishes and a messy kitchen floor OR Wow, That's a well-fed family.
Or Wow, that's a cluttered living room OR Wow, look at all the fantastic memories that room holds.
Let’s try another one - Look at all the crap in the garage I will never be able to park there again OR Wow, thats a lot of memories we have made together, and look at all the fun sports and activities we do as a family.
None of these observations say you have to stop there and leave the toys on the floor or the crap in the garage, it’s about reframing your reaction to the stuff, to your environment that usually sends you directly to a place of overwhelm because it’s all just too much. But that ‘too much’ Mama - that’s the result of a well-lived life. That’s family life.
There are a lot of people in your house, and they are doing things – they are busy growing and wearing fresh clean clothes and staying healthy with showers and baths and blueberries they drop all over the floor.
Your kids are ok. You are doing an amazing job - and you just have to look around to find the proof of that. And so ‘stop fixing’ actually can lead to acceptance, which can actually lead to realizing that you're actually a really good parent - in fact, you are Good AF. And yes, the mantra this week is “You are Not Broken. You are perfectly, wonderfully, beautifully whole” download it for free no email required! I hope this mindset shift helps you the coming new year. - Stef
Download the Free Gratitude Mantra WallPaper for your phone or tablet - no email required!
Daring to Parent Differently: Your Official Pep Talk
Your intention to parent differently stems from a deep well of courage. Did you know that?
You can also listen to this post in podcast form - because you need a pep talk in your ears right now!
Download this week’s Gratitude Mantra and put that s&#t on your phone! (or tablet). Totally free no email required.
Your intention to parent differently stems from a deep well of courage.
Did you know that?
The bravery it takes to look at our conditioning and make a change requires going to the places where we are most vulnerable. And that can be scary and hard. But it works, shining the light on our shadows, learning to know them, and love them too. It works, but it’s hard work. And we are doing it (!!) — and each day we stretch open a little bit allowing more and more light to seep in illuminating what we used to know and what is actually true.
“What Right Aspiration translates to in terms of daily action is the resolve to behave in a way that stretches the limits of conditioned response.” - Silvia Bornstein, It’s Easier Than You Think.
We are parents who are looking for new options so so many different reasons; maybe we want to break the cycle of childhood trauma, maybe we want to step outside of what the culture thinks is “normal” or maybe our lived experiences have forced a new perspective. No matter what your initial motivation is - know that we are all in this together and I know just as well as you do that this is not an easy path to forge. It’s even harder when you are the trailblazer unable to rely on advice, or modeling, or even your instincts at first.
We are not the first who are willing to make a change - willing to bleed a little to grow. Brené Brown famously uses the Teddy Roosevelt quote in her book Daring Greatly and I will use it here as well:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again... who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” - Theodore Roosevelt
How are you parenting differently? How are you daring greatly?
Maybe you have decided to live sustainably - amazing!
Maybe you have decided to separate from a toxic parent - wow, so brave!
Maybe you have decided that one child is enough - you do you!
Maybe you are transparent with your children about your emotions - kudos!
Maybe you apologize to your children when you are wrong - dare to care!
Maybe you decided that your happiness matters more than being a perfect parent - scary but so brave!
Maybe your family limited screens and TV - keep going!
Maybe each day you wake up and stubbornly look this crazy world in the face and with the determination of someone who radiates only love, you counter suffering with the power of gratitude. - that’s me, and I am brave.
Wherever you have decided enough is enough - I see you. I honor your bravery. The courage and strength to do just one of these things in the face of judgment, criticism, and even shame is a lesson that your children will never forget. I applaud you all. Thank you for your intention to parent differently.
p.s…. love the positivity? Follow me on all the socials and never miss a pep talk.
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And don’t forget to share the podcast with a friend and leave a review on Apple Podcasts!
DM me on social if you leave a review and I will send you some free swag!!
October Gratitude - Podcast Launch & Free Mantra Download
The Parent Differently with Gratitude Podcast has officially launched - you can find the first few episodes in this post as well as a FREE mantra download to keep you positive and on the gratitude track!
The Podcast has officially launched!
Every week I will be sharing a bit more about parenting, gratitude, and mindfulness.
Are you ready to parent with more patience, empathy, and compassion but gave up gentle parenting after one exhausting never ending day?
Then you need to subscribe to “Parent Differently with Gratitude”!
Listen in as I offer you a sneak peek into my journey to normalize imperfect parenting and discover the gifts a committed gratitude practice can bring to modern family life.
Parenting with gratitude is not the end goal - it's the method. 🎟
It's the means to achieving the goal of gentle parenting without skipping the prep phase.
🎧 Listen to this podcast if you want to parent differently than you were raised.
🎧 Listen to this podcast if you want to parent differently than you did 5 years ago.
👉 Hint: it starts with figuring out how to be less triggered and more present; less burned out and more accepting; less guilt-ridden and more compassionate. It sounds complicated - but with the compound effect of gratitude and a supportive community of GoodAFMoms - you've got this.
Every week, I will also give away a free "Parenting with Gratitude Mantra" to compliment the week's theme right here on the blog (scroll down). Other podcast bonuses include interviews with expert guests, sleep consultants, and other mindful parenting guides, and easy and fun gratitude practices that fit your modern parenting lifestyle.
Latest Episodes
Free Gratitude Download 👇
No email required, Mama. Download then add it to your phone’s lock screen for a simple pick-me-up — or even add it your iPad!
p.s…. love the positivity? Follow me on all the socials and never miss a pep talk.
And don’t forget to share the podcast with a friend and leave a review on Apple Podcasts!
DM me on social if you leave a review and I will send you some free swag!!
Monday Mantra: Grateful for…Free Downloads
Let’s train your brain to notice the good with a free Gratitude Mantra every week - download the wallpaper to your phone, no email address required.
Every Monday I pull a Mantra from a filter on Instagram and I make it into a wallpaper that you can download for your phone.
I hope you like it! No email is required for the download just hit the button and throw that thing up on your lock screen! - ✌️ Stef
Don’t forget to followl on the socials!