New Year, Same Me
I know it’s February but I still feel the energy of a new year personally so 2023 here we come! New Year, Same Me! And yes this year I am saying – New Year, Same Me – because it goes directly against the grain of New Year, New Me.
Why would I want a new me?
I mean, in the past, I have been like: I’m sick of you and ready for a fresh start sure.
But the desire for a new self happens because we are unhappy. It could be with a specific part of our lives, like our parenting or maybe it’s a general malaise we feel around something not feeling quite right with our lives, like a nagging feeling of unfulfillment. Either way, we automatically think that with a new year in sight, now's a good time to fix or change ourselves to make it all better.
This is a fixing mindset - the same one that makes us think that we need to improve or change ourselves in some way to feel better about our children’s behavior or the chaotic state of our house or our moodiness – but that is just not the case. In fact, everything we need to be happy is already inside us.
What gets in the way is mindset or the lens through which we view our lives and the world. Mindset is not 100% under our influence, our survival instincts, societal pressures, upbringing, and cultural backgrounds all significantly influence our mindset. But our mindset is not totally fixed or stuck either - you can easily experience this flexibility during a busy week where one moment you think that your work is crap or your house is full and cluttered - and then the next day you can look at it with joy and gratitude instead.
Learning how to nurture a more positive, compassionate mindset is our task. And something that can certainly contribute to our long-term well-being (and improve our relationships with our kids).
Just like our mindset is not totally fixed.
Who we are, is different from who we identify to be.
I will say that again.
Who we are, is different from who we identify to be.
Sure I am a “Type A Mom” who keeps the trains running on time. I use morning and afterschool checklists to keep my kids accountable, and my work day is planned down to the minute. I find a great deal of identity within the label of Type A Mom, just like you may identify as a Hot Mess Mom or a PTA Mom or a Chill Mom – and you have even learned to take pride in it too.
But who you are is different from who you identify, or label yourself, to be.
Say you were to ask your friends to name a few adjectives to describe you - what would they say? Hot mess mom? Chill Mom? I don’t know if they would start with those labels per se… I did this exercise once and my bestie actually said things I would have never guessed like loyal and that I was a good hugger. And that I was giving too. These things I would have never thought of at first as ways to describe myself.
I don't identify myself as a good hugger. I don't particularly hug people all that often to be honest, but if I stop to check in with myself I can feel how much being a good hugger matters to me. It means that I am a loving and kind friend, one who is ok with being vulnerable and open enough to share a good and lengthy hug with.
That’s who I am for sure.
Who you are is different from who you identify as. And of course, you can be both – no one’s saying Type A Moms can’t be good huggers - I just overlook parts of myself when during reflection I go right to my identity label. At the beginning of the year, saying New Year, Same Me will help you stay open to new ideas of who you are right now without having to change a thing - and that’s a pretty awesome way to start a year I would think. And no, it doesn't mean staying stuck in old ways of thinking - in fact, it's just the opposite.
I think we need to focus our gratitude practice on becoming grateful for who we are, not who we need to become - because we are already whole, we just don’t see it all. We don’t see the things that our friends see - the who of who we are.
I hope you ask a friend to tell you a few things that make you, you. And celebrate them because nothing can stand in the way of your happiness in 2023 when you look inside and discover the resources you already possess – and remember you are a Good AF Mom. - Stef
