Why Noticing Beauty Makes You a Better (and Happier) Parent

Beauty is all around us - but why?

As a species, we can see beauty. But why? Does the ability to see and observe beauty serve a purpose beyond aesthetics? When I look out my window on a rainy day, the way the leaves shine with intensity and the wind makes the tree limbs gracefully bend and dance—it’s mesmerizing. And yet, most of the time, we don’t even notice—afteral, the demands of parenthood are very distracting and loud.

What if beauty exists not just for admiration, but for our well-being? What if it’s sole purpose is to anchor us in the present, to nourish our emotional health, and to remind us, even in the most chaotic parenting moments, that life is rich and full of goodness?

The Many Forms of Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t just saying “thank you.” Gratitude can be categorized into various types, including personal gratitude for what you receive, interpersonal gratitude towards others, and transpersonal gratitude, which may involve feeling connected to a higher power or the universe. Each one of it’s forms shapes how we experience the world and our role as parents:

• Reciprocal Gratitude – The kind we express in relationships, when there’s an exchange: “Thank you for making me coffee.” “I appreciate you helping with bedtime.” This form of gratitude strengthens social bonds and fosters a sense of community and mutual support.

• Subtractive Gratitude – The mental exercise of recognizing what could be worse: “At least my kids are healthy.” “At least we have a home.” This isn’t about dismissing hardship but about shifting perspective. Practicing subtractive gratitude can help you to appreciate your current circumstances by considering how it could be more challenging.

• Existential Gratitude – The deepest kind. The kind that doesn’t require a transaction. It’s simply the awe of existence. The gift of being alive, of witnessing our children grow, of experiencing fleeting moments of pure love. Existential gratitude involves a profound appreciation for life itself, often leading to increased well-being and a deeper sense of purpose.

The Connection Between Beauty, Gratitude, and Self-Trust

Beauty is always around us, but noticing it is a skill. When we pause and let it in, something powerful happens it helps to strengthen what I call the five contributors to self-trust:

• Self-Worth – Seeing beauty reminds us that we are inherently valuable, not just because of what we do, but because we exist. We don’t have to earn rest, joy, or appreciation—we deserve them simply by being here.

• Self-Efficacy – Recognizing beauty builds confidence in our ability to shift our mindset. If we can notice beauty in hard moments, we can trust ourselves to navigate challenges with perspective.

• Self-Compassion – Noticing beauty softens our inner critic. It reminds us that perfection isn’t the goal—presence is. We don’t need to parent flawlessly; we just need to show up, again and again, with love.

• Self-Resilience – Beauty is a steady undercurrent, a reminder that struggle and joy coexist. Seeing it helps us bounce back, knowing that difficult moments don’t erase the good.

• Self-Confidence – The ability to spot beauty, even in exhaustion, is a form of trust in ourselves. It affirms that we are present enough to witness the good and strong enough to hold both beauty and hardship at once.

Why This Matters in Parenting

The acts of parenting can feel relentless. Another diaper. Another tantrum. Another dinner that no one will eat. But what if, in between those moments, we trained ourselves to notice the beauty? And it doesn’t have to be the beauty of your child’s crayon on the wall, let’s be realistic. Looking out your window is a perfect place to start. And it offers an individual experience for everyone, some of us like the rain others the sun, some like the wind others find it disconcerting, etc etc. Engaging with nature's beauty has been shown to reduce stress and improve mood, which can be particularly beneficial for navigating the monotony of parenting routines.

• The golden light streaming through the window at bath time.

• The sparkling waterspray as the car in front of you washes their windsheild.

• The soft hush of the forest as you walk your dog.

These moments aren’t just fleeting joys; they are fuel. They are what keep us going, keep us soft, keep us connected and allow for our appreciation to seep indoors to the…

• The way our child’s eyelashes rest against their cheek as they sleep.

• The soft weight of their hand in ours.

• To how holding them makes us feel held as well.

Beauty isn’t a mistake. It’s here for us—to soak into our souls, to remind us why we keep showing up, to help us see that even in the middle of the hardest days, the view from the top is breathtaking.

Want to start noticing more beauty in your everyday parenting moments?

Try these on for size:

🌿 Before bed, recall one small beautiful thing you noticed today.
📸 Take a quick photo of something that catches your eye—your child’s laughter, a shadow on the wall, your coffee in the morning light.
✏️ Write it down. The more you notice, the more beauty you will find.

Gratitude isn’t about ignoring hardship. It’s about seeing the whole picture—and allowing the breathtaking parts to land. - Stef 🪷

Why Parenting Feels So Hard—And How to Make It Easier

How Perspective Shapes Our Parenting Experience

What if the stress we feel as parents isn’t a sign that we’re failing, but simply a part of the picture—always has been, always will be? What if obsessing over the hard parts is keeping us from noticing the good?

Science backs this up in many ways. Negativity bias means our brains are wired to focus on what’s going wrong. The action tendency of negative emotions makes stress feel urgent, forcing us to react rather than reflect. And the cultural narrative of parenting—relentless, exhausting, impossible—only reinforces the idea that if we’re not struggling, we must be doing it wrong.

But here’s the thing: Some stress is just part of parenting. That doesn’t mean we ignore the very real external pressures—income disparity, racism, systemic failures—that make parenting harder. But even in an ideal world, where external systems supported parents fully, would we still find things to stress about? Probably.

And here’s where we make it worse for ourselves: It’s not just the stress; it’s our reaction to the stress.

The Second Arrow: Making Harder What’s Already Hard

In Buddhism, there’s a teaching called the Second Arrow. The first arrow is the unavoidable pain of life—getting hurt, experiencing loss, facing disappointment. The second arrow is what we do with that pain. It’s the story we tell ourselves about it: Why me? Why does this always happen? What did I do to deserve this?

Now apply this to parenting.

The first arrow is real:

• Your toddler throws their food across the room after you just cleaned.

• Your teenager swears they did their homework, but you find out later they didn’t.

• You’re exhausted, and instead of a quiet bedtime routine, it’s a meltdown.

That’s frustrating, no doubt. But the second arrow is what really drains us:

• Why is my child like this?

• Why do I always have to deal with this?

• Other parents seem to have it easier—what’s wrong with me?

This mental spiral adds another layer of suffering. It turns a single difficult moment into a heavy, all-encompassing narrative about parenthood.

What If We Looked at Parenting Differently?

What if instead of measuring our success by how little we struggle, we looked at how parenting shapes us? What if, instead of obsessing over what’s hard, we made space to notice where we’ve grown?

Because here’s the reality:
✔ Parenting pushes us to be better people.
✔ Our kids force us to examine parts of ourselves we’d rather ignore.
✔ No one else on earth can light something up inside us the way our children do.

The day-to-day struggles of parenting are real, but so are the moments of joy, connection, and growth. And if we don’t pay attention to them, they pass us by.

So the next time parenting feels impossible, pause. Notice the first arrow—yes, it’s hard. But then ask yourself: Do I need to shoot the second one?

Because maybe, just maybe, there’s something else to notice, too.

This is Parenting with Gratitude®

It’s not about ignoring the tough moments. It’s about choosing to notice the whole picture—the struggle and the joy, the frustration and the love. It’s about trusting that within every hard parenting moment, there’s also something meaningful to be found.

And when we stop shooting the second arrow, we make room to see it. - 🪷 Stef

Gratitude: The Parenting Superpower You Already Have

Parenting is stressful–yeah I’ve heard that. But here’s the thing— I believe that parenting is also a source of strength, resilience, love and connection —and gratitude, a positive emotion we all know and love. And gratitude has never really been applied to one of life’s biggest challenges: raising kids.

Mindfulness? Sure, it’s great. But for most parents, taking a 20-minute meditation break or going on a retreat isn’t exactly practical. What we need is something that works in the chaos, not outside of it. And that’s where gratitude comes in.

Over half of the gratitude parents feel in their lives (58%) is directly linked to their role as a parent.

• Gratitude builds resilience
• Gratitude creates meaning
• Gratitude enhances self-worth

Parenting is one of the most demanding roles of a lifetime, yet it’s rarely talked about in a way that highlights it’s benefits. Too often, the narrative is about what we’re doing wrong (either not doing enough, or doing too much.) But what if we decided to shift that narrative?

As a gratitude researcher, I’ve spent the past few years studying how gratitude intersects with parenting—and the results might surprise you. My findings show that over half of the gratitude parents feel in their lives (58%) is directly linked to their role as a parent. 

In fact, 72% of parents I talked to used gratitude as a tool during tough times, helping them navigate challenges with greater resilience and meaning.

Gratitude isn’t just a ‘nice to try’—it’s a powerful, science-backed tool for improving your well-being and transforming how you experience parenting.

What Gratitude Does for Parents

1. Gratitude Builds Resilience

Parenting is full of stress—64% of parents report high levels of stress according to the U.S. Surgeon General. But here’s the good news: gratitude may act as a protective factor. My research found that parents who actively practice gratitude reported higher resilience and emotional regulation.

When we notice even small wins, like getting through bedtime without tears or sharing a silly moment with our kids, we reframe challenges as opportunities for growth. Gratitude doesn’t erase the hard parts, but it helps us bounce forward stronger.

2. Gratitude Creates Meaning in the Mess

72% of parents I talked to used gratitude as a tool during tough times.

Parenting often feels like an endless to-do list. But gratitude can turn those everyday moments into something meaningful.

In my research, parents shared that reflecting on gratitude helped them make sense of the chaos, and notice when they got things right amidst the chaos. This meaning-making helped creat a deeper connection to their role. Gratitude allows you to see beyond the torn books and the tantrums and focus on what truly matters: the bond you’re building with your child and the strengths you flex each day as you show up imperfectly for them.

3. Gratitude Enhances Self-Worth

Let’s talk about “Mom Guilt.” Modern parenting culture is riddled with shame and self-criticism, making us feel like we’re never enough. Gratitude changes that.

By focusing on what’s working—like the effort you put in every day—you start to see yourself not as a failure, but as a capable, loving parent. This shift in perspective is vital for building self-worth, a foundation for thriving in parenthood.

Gratitude in Action

How to Start Today:

Gratitude doesn’t require perfection or hours of free time. Here’s how you can begin:

• Daily Gratitude Reflection: Take 2 minutes each day to list 3 things you’re grateful for—big or small. This practice helps train your brain to notice the good.
• Gratitude Pause: When you feel overwhelmed, pause and ask, “What’s one thing going right?” This simple act can shift your mindset in real time.
• Gratitude with Kids: At dinner or bedtime, ask your children to share one thing they’re grateful for. This not only builds connection but teaches them lifelong skills for resilience.

Customize your practice based on your personality, time, whatever makes you, you with more practices here.

The Parental Gratitude Well-Being Framework

In my research, I developed a framework that shows how gratitude interacts with key protective factors like resilience, meaning-making, and self-efficacy. These elements form a virtuous cycle, where gratitude enhances well-being, which in turn strengthens your ability to parent with intention and joy. 

An actionable way to look at this cycle is the PWG© Formula which is: Intention + Attention + Action + Repetition = Results You Can See and Feel.

This isn’t about ignoring the hard parts of parenting. It’s about balancing them with moments of joy and connection. Gratitude reminds us that we are not defined by our struggles but by noticing the tools we already have within us to learn from and rise above them.

Ready to Start?

Parenting isn’t perfect, but it’s full of opportunities to grow, connect, and flourish. When we practice gratitude, we unlock a new way of seeing ourselves, our children, and the journey we’re on together.

Join me in the 90-Day Gratitude Challenge and discover how this simple practice can transform your parenting—and your life. Want to read more about the benefits of Parenting with Gratitude? Click here.