Gratitude Practice: Hello Moment!
After 20 years of supporting parents, ‘practical’ mindfulness is the only way I talk about mindfulness anymore. Mindfulness is very doable, but the idea of adding mindfulness to our to-do lists is burnout-provoking. In reality, mindfulness simply means noticing what we tend to put on cruise control. I can be breathing and notice that I am breathing - that slight shift from just doing the thing to noticing the doing - that's mindfulness.
One of the obstacles to mindfulness is unpleasant emotions. If you are feeling angry it takes a lot of courage to look under than anger and see what else is there. It takes a lot of courage to feel anger too. It’s easier to move on with your day, isn’t it? Yes, mindfulness does apply to unpleasant feelings as well as pleasant ones. It applies to everything - it’s just a way to shift our awareness and become more present in our lives or even just small moments throughout the day.
I want to talk about mindfulness in practical applications that can help us to jump the hurdles of our psyche (or what some mindfulness teachers call “resistance”), by incorporating them into our existing parenting routines.
Whenever I read a scientific study or an article on how the pandemic made our anxiety worse, the writers always say, “anxiety is worse in stressful times.” Then I think - but having a 2, 3, or 14-year-old IS “stressful times” even when the world isn’t on fire.
The stresses of parenting send you to places where you have no choice but to go.
And so even before we get to mindfulness we need to establish a little self-compassion for where we are and what we do each day. Your gratitude practice will help you to see all the good things that happen each day, and the good things you do for other people too - and for me, this is the proof that I am a good person, that what the voices in my head telling me is untrue. Once I remember my inner goodness, self-compassion can flow easier. It can be as simple as telling myself that this part’s not supposed to be easy, acknowledging that I am struggling without judgment of that struggle, or just stopping and saying that’s enough for today — these are all significant steps to take.
Mindfulness helps us stay longer in the present moment instead of bouncing forward to the future and backward to the past. And I know I have said it before, but – being in the present moment is your greatest ally as a parent. Noticing how we feel, where we are, and what our expectations are, immediately makes parenting more of a solvable puzzle. So back to the basics here. We can notice things as pleasant and unpleasant or neutral – these are called feeling tones or vendanās in Buddhism. We can bring a soft mindful touch to those tones, and they, in turn, can keep us rooted here in the present.
Of course, you are busy, and you aren’t just going to remember to stop and feel your breath or body multiple times a day. At first, it will take some deliberate action to signal to your brain that this new way of noticing, or living in the world, with more awareness - well, it’s what you want to do now. This is why using techniques like Stop Signs, alarms, mantras, and lists is important because they replace old habits.
GOODAF MOM GRATITUDE PRACTICE:
This is where the phrase Hello, Moment! comes in. I have painted the phrase Hello, Moment! on rocks and written it on post-it notes that I scatter around my house and car, and garden. I like Hello, Moment! because it’s a phrase that is non-judgmental, kind, and even a little fun. If rocks aren’t your thing - you could even use a wipe-off marker to write it on the mirrors in your bathrooms.
These little reminders become an easy way to begin the repetitive training our brains require to develop new habits. This new habit is mindfulness, of pausing and noticing the moment we are in.
How does it Work in Real Life?
Maybe I am walking a basket of dirty laundry on my way to the washer and see the words Hello, Moment! on a windowsill rock or sticky note nearby. I am reminded to take a moment. What do I do with this moment? Well, maybe I go super sensory – I notice my hands holding the laundry, maybe there’s a smell to the laundry (gross) or a sound nearby. I could use it as an opportunity to list three things I am grateful for. I could also notice the feeling tones in my body of unpleasant, pleasant, and neutral, or I can look for any interior grumbling happening - I mean, it’s laundry after all - and if I want to or if it feels good to, I can deliberately notice something positive and beautiful instead - maybe the color of my favorite underwear in the pile, all moody and dark maroon.
Do it with Your Kids!
When you sit down to make three or four Hello, Moment! reminders, make sure they are cheerful, give them a sparkle, or make them pretty in some way. Then when you spot one in the wild, this “niceness” will naturally incline your mind towards that as a first step towards positivity. However you do it, make sure you place them in high-traffic areas at first, so you can get into a sort of rhythm.
This is just one practical and no-pressure way to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routines. Adding in Stop Signs on your pick-up and drop-off routes is another, and the Choose a Color Game from Episode 12 of the podcast is another. Learning a new skill takes time, but the beauty of mindfulness is that it is always accessible. Like right now, if you stopped to notice your hands or feet, you could. Before I said that, your awareness was probably somewhere else (maybe coming up with a few places to put those rocks?) But once I said notice your hands, your mind went right there. It’s doable. And the more you do it, the more it comes in handy. You can notice, “Wow, I feel tight” or “I feel like I want to run out of this room and as far away as possible”, and offer yourself a little compassion just in time.
Because you are a GoodAF Mom who has choices. – Stef
