Mindful Sleep - with Sleep Consultant Yasmin Johnston
Our question today is the following: My almost 4-year-old has developed a bad habit of waking in the middle of the night and coming into my room to ask for water, milk, etc, every night, and I am exhausted. What do I do? Also, should I hire a night doula to get some sleep, and then they can teach him not to get up?
Podcast Guest:
Yasmin Johnston:
pediatric sleep consultant and mom.
Yasmin and I chatted recently on the Podcast about toddler sleep disruptions, what a night doula is, and so much more.
Every few episodes, I invite a guest to answer a reader’s question - do you have one? Fill out the form below, and I will bring in an expert to answer it.
Our question today was the following:
My almost 4-year-old has developed a bad habit of waking in the middle of the night and coming into my room to ask for water, milk, etc, every night, and I am exhausted. What do I do? Also, should I hire a night doula to get some sleep, and then they can teach him not to get up?
Here are some takeaways from our conversation and Yasmin's advice. First I asked her just what a Night Doula is:
Yasmin: “So a Night Doula, you'd be hiring them on and they're typically not doing the sleep training. They might do some education or helping with setting the boundaries. But they may not have the experience in the formal sleep training when it comes to toddlers. A night doula can be a little bit pricey, especially depending on where you live so there's that to consider. A sleep consultant in this situation would help you with figuring out the different boundaries that work for your family, and doing the formal sleep training. Usually within two to three weeks for one set price you're able to have your child sleeping in their bed all night.”
So if you want to correct the behavior and want to give it a try on your own to start, what should you do?
Yasmin: “The thing that we want to achieve here is to correct this behavior. You know toddlers, they love to push boundaries and so once it's allowed, like you let something happen one time, they think that it's okay to do this every single time and so it's putting that firm boundary in place; “It's time for sleep.” You can do water before they go to bed and say, “Okay this is our last chance for water” or since the child is a little bit older if they don't have issues with going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you can allow them to have a water bottle in their room. Just know that they may be getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and so then you have to think about are they going to require your assistance if they have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? But for milk I usually say, “We don't do milk at night, if you need water you have a water bottle in your bed or on your nightstand.”
Some other takeaways from our conversation:
Personally, I love to have a list of clear rules for bedtime. Start these early, like when they are a baby, and keep it to 2 or 3 very specific items. My kids had the following rules: Calm body, Quiet Mouth, Stay in your Bed. Say them every night or when you leave the room which could be multiple times a night lol!
You can also use a nighttime checklist they can consult BEFORE calling you - you can sign up for my free checklist below.
And finally, and probably the most crucial step to a successful bedtime: Connection.
Yasmin: “The mom has to go to work all day right? So, she's going to work and then when she gets home it's just craziness, getting dinner done, doing this, doing that, and then bedtime — but slowing down and taking 10 minutes of connection time with with your child before bed — especially if you're away from each other all day matters. They're going to need that little bit of connection time: whether it's active play, or sitting down together and reading a book together, or even just having the child pick an activity and you sit there and play along — but without being too inquisitive, without asking your child a million questions. Just saying things like “Oh, I love that you chose the red car, I'm going to choose a red car too” Letting them know that you value their choices and their likes and dislikes and really being fully into them during that play time is enough.”
You can learn more about Mindful Sleep and Yasmin’s offerings on her website mindfulsleepconsulting.com and make sure to listen to the episode for a whole lot more information! - Stef
More posts on sleep:
Finding the Space to Listen...to Podcasts
Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have relied heavily on everything audio. Somehow the days just stretch ON when you are together 24 hours a day. Download a podcast or two - adding this simple way to care for yourself to your daily routine could be a great way to find a quiet moment or two - almost like informative earplugs!
Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have relied heavily on everything audio. Somehow the days just stretch ON when you are together 24 hours a day. Being an introverted person I enjoy using my headphones as a way to steal back a bit of personal space in my house overflowing with humans and animals demanding my attention. And my kids who love to read and tell stories eat up audiobooks like they are candy.
I’ll let Traci Joy tell you - but if you haven’t added this simple way to care for yourself to your daily routine could be a great way to find a quiet moment or two - almost like informative earplugs! And yes there are a thousand parenting pod-casts out there but is that really what you want to do with your alone time? Traci has a suggestion that is the perfect compromise. - Stef
It’s crazy how many people I know who have never listened to a podcast (my husband for example). I’ve been a podcast junkie (a pod-head, if you will) for over ten years and have even attended live podcasts (2 Dope Queens, How Did This Get Made). I’m not exaggerating when I say that, as a parent, podcasts are a huge part of my self care. I spend all day listening to music with my toddler. Disney songs, Beatles Songs and somewhat child-friendly punk rock, fill every moment of my life when I’m with my three year old. But the second I’m alone it is podcast city. The sound of adult voices talking about adult things immediately dissipates all my mom related tension.
Which is why I never thought I would listen to a “parenting podcast.” It’s the same reason I’ve never read a parenting book; if I have free time I’m going to read or listen to something I actually enjoy, not something that will make me feel bad about my parenting choices. I’d much rather be listening to Keith Morrison talk about murder or Phoebe Robinson fan-girling over Bono than hear Janet Lansbury inform me of all the ways I’m f**king up my kid.
But for the past year I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the relatively new podcast Childish.
Hosted by Alison Rosen and Greg Fitzsimmons, this podcast is more akin to chatting with friends about parenthood than being lectured by a professor of child psychology.
The most interesting part to me is that while Alison has two kids under three, Greg has a son in college and daughter in high school. I’m sure you can imagine the difference in perspective from two people in two very different stages of parenthood. As the mom of a three year old I identify more with Alison but aspire to someday have Greg’s laid back attitude.
Their hilarious episodes cover parenting, relationships, a little financial talk and current events. They answer questions from listeners and share the highs and lows of their weeks. There is no parent shaming, just honest takes on their own journeys. For better or worse they share it all.
this guest post is from Traci Joy Vaughn more info on her social marketing services here.
