Family Gratitude Ideas: January

Instead of New Year’s Resolutions, I start out each year by making a list of how I want to feel. After all, new year, same me–not new me–and I love myself exactly how I am. I have felt things in the past that maybe I want to feel again and more of! But this time I will use the power of purpose and intention to make them come to life and savor them when they are here.

This year I want to feel:

• the freedom to let go
• socially supported
• unlimited
• ready, capable and equipped
• creative, inspired and writerly.

So first up on the family list of gratitude ideas for the month of January is:

1. How do you want to feel this year?

   For kids this prompt may look a bit different than for you. Since emotional intellegence is a skill we can all learn from a young age, but the vocabulary of emotions is something that our generations werent necessarily taught using a feelings wheel here would be super helpful. Here’s one especially made for kids of different ages that features drawings of the emotions as well as the corresponding word.

   1. For toddlers you may ask - Whats your favorite way to feel? How much do you want to feel that? All the time? Sometimes?

   2. For elementary school aged kids you can have them associate a feeling word with each month. Then on the 1st check in and ask them in what ways they will make it happen each month.

   3. And for older kids they can choose a few different ways they want to feel for the year and write them down on a note card they can post in their room - or write on a paper calendar they may have or put them in their phone on the first of each month.

2. The Grateful Home Game

Visit one room at a time within your home, (even the bathrooms!) and see if you can make a list of all the things you are grateful for in that room. Which room ends up having the longest list? In which room do you find things that surprise you? Does your dog follow you from room to room - listing them in each room counts in my book! :)

Whether it’s the rainy season or the full on chill of winter, when we can’t go outside due to weather, it’s naturally harder to find things to be grateful for. So this game can help bring a fresh look at the spaces you inhabit on a daily basis, and it will make you feel pretty good about yourself too. I bet some of the things your kids may be grateful for like the warm water or bubbles in the tub are there because of your hard work and effort to add a bit of magic to their lives.

3. Books to read that will inspire gratitude, delight and awe:

1. Miss Rumphius by Barbara Cooney

   If I could list this book every month, I would. Its one of my favorites of all time. The story follows the life of Miss Rumphius, from little girl to eldery woman. Inspired by her grandfather's advice to make the world more beautiful, she travels the globe in search of adventure and eventually fulfills her dream by planting lupines across the countryside. This inspiring story blends themes of wanderlust, purpose, and legacy - literally showing how planting seeds of different sorts from travel to flowers can have an enormous effect on the world around us. A true “we make ripples in the world” book.

2. The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton

   The Little House built with care in the countryside, witnesses the changing seasons and the growth of a bustling city around it, longing for the simplicity of its earlier days. The house embodies gratitude for the quiet joys of the countryside and the sense of belonging in a cherished home. As the story unfolds, it contrasts the bustling, impersonal growth of the city with the enduring value of the simple, serene life the house originally knew. The resolution reminds readers to value and be grateful for the foundational, often overlooked aspects of life that bring true contentment. The simple things.

3. Of Thee I sing by Barack Obama

   In Of Thee I Sing, Barack Obama writes a heartfelt letter to his daughters, celebrating the traits of historical figures who embody the values of bravery, creativity, and compassion. Each page honors a trailblazer—from Georgia O’Keeffe to Martin Luther King Jr.—while encouraging readers to look for these qualities within themselves. The book invites reflection on the legacy of those who came before us and gratitude for the strengths and potential we all hold to make a difference in the world. It’s a beautiful reminder to appreciate not only what others have achieved but also the unique gifts we bring to our communities and homes.

Interested in more Family Gratitude Ideas? How about 365+? Check out the Gratitude Calendar archive here! - Stef

Family Gratitude Ideas: December

As the holiday spirit fills our homes, it's easy to overlook the incredible thoughtfulness and effort we already put into creating magical moments for our kids. The holidays are a perfect opportunity to not only celebrate those strengths but also to add rituals that nurture family connection and cultivate gratitude. This December, give a few new family rituals a try, each designed to foster connection and appreciation. From delightful holiday feasts with fun conversation starters to post-holiday traditions that extend the joy well into the new year, these activities promise to infuse your family's December with warmth, gratitude, and a touch of festive magic.

December 21st:

A Parents Day of Rest

The holidays often center on creating joy for our kids, and as parents, we show up for that with love and care. But it’s just as important to honor the traditions and moments that fill our own cups. That’s why I created the Parents Day of Rest where I focus on my favorite things to do. No kids holiday music or movies - just Nat King Cole and White Christmas. I may even cook a batch of cookies that have things in them that only I like! Take the day - and share your fun using #parentsdayofrest on Instagram.

Holiday mEALS:

Conversation Starters

Try Table Topics Gratitude to start some really fun holiday conversations focused around what we have and not what we will receive. Gratitude conversations are a wonderful way to help your family notice the joy you’re already creating. As you share what you’re thankful for, you’ll likely uncover the small, meaningful ways you’re already enriching each other’s lives.

All winter long:

Gratitude Snowstorm

This is a crowd favorite in my house. Do your kids love to cut snowflakes out of paper? Every time they make a snowflake encourage them write a piece of gratitude on it. Then place a string across a room and hang the snowflakes from it at varying heights. Then watch the indoor snowstorm grow throughout the winter season! (Looks really pretty too!)

After The Holidays:

A Year of Gratitude

Each family member reflects on the past year and makes a list of moments they’re grateful for—big or small—that highlight the unique ways you’ve all contributed to a meaningful year together and places it in their empty stocking or the holiday decoration box before it all gets packed away. Read them all together when the decorations come out again next year.

Sincere Thanks - Explain to your little ones that this year they will be writing Thank You notes to family and friends who send them gifts. Disclosing this upfront will hopefully help them notice when opening gifts, so that the thankfulness they share is sincere. If they don’t have any genuine gratitude (maybe because the gift was something they already had, etc) I encourage my kids to think of the person wrapping it and taking time out of their day for them finding something within the act itself to be grateful for. Gratitude isn’t about perfection; it’s about noticing the care that others show us in their own ways.

During Winter Break:

Friend Appreciation

Have your children make a list of friends who were there for them this past year. Suggest they send them a drawing or a printed photo showcasing a fun activity they did together or a letter via snail mail. (Older kids won’t want to do this part, but making the list alone will remind them of the social support they have and can lean on for the rest of the school year.)

Gratitude is already woven into so many parts of your family’s life—sometimes we just need a little reminder to see it. Looking for more ideas? Check out November’s post, filled with even more ways to celebrate the strengths that make your family uniquely yours.

What to Read Next…

Slow November: Family Gratitude Ideas and Activities

Well, it's officially the month of gratitude, and I like to keep it that way by saving the holiday decorations for December. You see, for me, it became clear that when my family got too caught up in the winter holidays, we tended to overlook the season of appreciation and thanks. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a little holiday excitement. I mean, Santa and his reindeer are practically my besties. But it got me thinking — who should really define our family values, Walmart and Lego, or us?

After pondering this for many years, I felt increasingly uncomfortable with our family's growing focus on materialism during a holiday season that seemed to expand every year, all driven by big businesses. So, I decided to take back November and stand up for our family values. When December 1st finally rolls around, I'm ready with my blinking lights, tree, and fake snow. But for November, we're all about embracing a slower pace. It's a time when we put our focus on family, friends, and our community. We reach out to our neighbors, and we take a moment to reflect on the kindness we've shared.

Without this pause, we risk losing the true essence of what makes these family moments meaningful. If we don't slow down in November, we might find ourselves swept up in the commercial whirlwind, missing the genuine connections and gratitude we all long for.

This Month is our time to hit the pause button and embrace a 'Slow November.'

In today's fast-paced world, a 'Slow November' holds more significance than ever. With our lives filled with endless distractions and the constant pull of technology, it's easy to lose sight of the value of genuine human connection. We often rush through moments, failing to appreciate the simple joys of family, friendship, and community. But here's the thing – in this digital age, we have the opportunity to set an example for our children. By slowing down in November, we not only rediscover the beauty of gratitude, but we also teach our little ones to embrace the art of mindfulness. Amidst the chaos of modern life, we can guide them to pause, reflect, and appreciate the love and support that surrounds them. In this hurried world, the power of a genuine 'thank you' and a warm hug should never be underestimated.

So, as we enter this season of togetherness, let's make an extra effort to nurture gratitude within our families and communities. And if you're looking for a way to kickstart those gratitude conversations, check out this list of 100 gratitude prompts, perfect for family dinners or engaging your little ones in the spirit of appreciation or scroll down for my list of options you can try this month.

Slow November: Family Gratitude Ideas & Activities

Gratitude bags

(Make These at the Beginning of the month)

Recently I was chatting with a friend (David Berez), swapping family gratitude ideas and he shared a wonderful act his family preforms all throughout the year: Gratitude Bags.

Fill small resealable bags with 4 or 5 peices of candy (eh-hem maybe put the Halloween Candy to good use here) and then place a label on it, and maybe even sign your family’s names. Then keep the bags in your purse or diaper bag, because you will be on the lookout for everyday helpers in your life. Gift the bags to flight attendents, janitors, librarians, anyone who your kids would like to thank or made an impact on your family. You can do this when you are traveling or just running errands. Make sure to let your little one hand over the bag so they get the full effect that giving thanks can bring. Download this cute label if you need a place to start with your bags, I use the Avery 5160 template for the printing.

Community Gratitude Board

(Beginning of the Month)

If you live in a neighborhood where people walk dogs, push strollers, go for runs, and ride bike then set up a Community Gratitude Board in your front yard. You can use a white board or a chalkboard (just protect it from the weather.) If you live in an apartment building with a parking garage add it to your parking space! If you live in a place where outdoors is not possible then set up a Community Gratitude Board with an online program like Mural - and then share the link with friends and family on social media. At the end of the month take a photo or a screenshot of the board to share with neighbors and with your kids. Bonus: Have you kids contribute to the board once a week for extra practice!

Operation Gratitude 

(Beginning and throughout the month)

Each November, our family helps to send care packages to our active military via Operation Gratitude. November is a great time to thank these people who sacrifice so much and this year it’s more important than ever due to unrest in areas around the globe and increased troop deployment.

Operation Gratitude sends items like antibacterial wipes, coffee, candy and more in care packages and they are expecting around 12,000 care package requests by the end of this year alone. I let each child pick one or two items from the organizations wish list and they add their preference to my online shopping cart. Then we all pack the big box together, adding drawings and personal cards sharing our thanks. Operation Gratitude is a California corporation, granted 501(c)(3) exempt status by the IRS — you can learn more about them here.

Grateful Mealtime Ideas

(Thanksgiving Week)

There are so many ways to practice gratitude at the dinner table.

Watch this video for a few fresh ideas that include gratitude jars, gratitude linking chains and more.

Gratitude Savenger Hunt

(End of the Month)

I developed this scavenger hunt as something to do while the turkey cooked — but I think it also works great at the end of the month as a celebration for all your kids’ efforts. The “prize” at the end of the hunt is a list of things you appreciate about them and generosity can definitely be on that list. Reflecting on their grateful attitude during the month of November will pay off going into December allowing them to give and receive with more grace and awareness of the effort it takes.

I hope you enjoy taking November Back and the pause that can deepen our family connection to community and the world beyond. And until next time don’t you ever forget you are a GoodAF Mom. - Stef

What to read next…

World Gratitude Day: Family Activites

Who will you thank this year on World Gratitude Day?

We can reserve each September as a time to share appreciation and thanks since World Gratitude Day happens every year!

This is great because we need a yearly reminder to thank all the people who support us, from caregivers to UPS drivers - instead of the more hectic, holiday-focused November Thanksgiving.

Take the time to offer your gratitude in the form of eye contact, a friendly thank you and well wishes, or a letter from the family for someone extra special.

Here are a few kid-approved ideas for adding gratitude to your September dinner table as well.

And don’t forget, you are a GoodAF Mom — Stef

Gratitude Practice: Pick a Color

So you’re a busy mom who wants to practice gratitude - Hello, me too! 

I am also a busy mom, and I have been Parenting with Gratitude™ for over three years. I have less resentment and shame than ever before - and it felt so good once it started kicking in. I wanted to add more gratitude to my life. And so, I came up with all kinds of fun ways to practice it on the go - because sometimes I can't get to my morning list. And this practice is a favorite in my house because my kids like to watch me suffer, lol - jk! Really I think it’s because they dont believe I can do it - but I can.

The Pick a Color Practice

When I feel low and need a pick-me-up, I play rapid-fire gratitude using the cars around me. I will ask my kids to pick a car color on the way to school. And then, for the rest of the day, when I see a car that color, I will have to think of something I am grateful for. Sometimes if they are being really sadistic, they will choose silver, lol – but sometimes I can get them to choose teal or yellow, which is a little more manageable - or red even! 

I even do this practice when my kids aren't around, too, to be honest - sometimes I will pick forest green and go with it - because gratitude dramatically changes my mood.

Why is that the case? I wondered that myself, so I consulted OG gratitude researcher Professor Robert Emmons's new book, “The Little Book of Gratitude.” This is what he said:

“The need for novelty and change are hardwired into our brains. The substantia nigra/ ventral segmentation or SN/TVA, an area in the midbrain responds to novel stimuli. Whether you keep a diary, post gratitudes on your social media, or just think grateful thoughts, focus on surprising events, unexpected kindnesses, new and unusual experiences, and these will activate your SN/VTA. This area of the brain links memory and learning centers, so keeping your gratitudes fresh and new will be cognitively and neurally beneficial.”

So we must keep it new and different to learn to be grateful and store it in our memories. 

Bonus Family Game

Another little game I like in the car is similar to the Alphabet game - the game where you go around, and everyone has to name a vegetable or Star Wars character alphabetically. Substitute that Ewok for one item you’re grateful for - A for Aunty Ashley, B for Ballet Class, C for Chunky Peanut Butter – you get the picture. 

Mix it up, and make sure to let your kids see you being thankful! Let me know which one you try or if you come up with one of your own, and don’t forget to include yourself somewhere on that list, too — because you are a GoodAF Mom! - Stef

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Listen to this post as a podcast:

Mindful Sleep - with Sleep Consultant Yasmin Johnston

Podcast Guest:

Yasmin Johnston:

pediatric sleep consultant and mom.

Yasmin and I chatted recently on the Podcast about toddler sleep disruptions, what a night doula is, and so much more.

Every few episodes, I invite a guest to answer a reader’s question - do you have one? Fill out the form below, and I will bring in an expert to answer it.

Your Question for the POdcast

Podcast Question

Our question today was the following:

My almost 4-year-old has developed a bad habit of waking in the middle of the night and coming into my room to ask for water, milk, etc, every night, and I am exhausted. What do I do? Also, should I hire a night doula to get some sleep, and then they can teach him not to get up?

Here are some takeaways from our conversation and Yasmin's advice. First I asked her just what a Night Doula is:

Yasmin: “So a Night Doula, you'd be hiring them on and they're typically not doing the sleep training. They might do some education or helping with setting the boundaries. But they may not have the experience in the formal sleep training when it comes to toddlers. A night doula can be a little bit pricey, especially depending on where you live so there's that to consider. A sleep consultant in this situation would help you with figuring out the different boundaries that work for your family, and doing the formal sleep training. Usually within two to three weeks for one set price you're able to have your child sleeping in their bed all night.”

So if you want to correct the behavior and want to give it a try on your own to start, what should you do?

Yasmin: “The thing that we want to achieve here is to correct this behavior. You know toddlers, they love to push boundaries and so once it's allowed, like you let something happen one time, they think that it's okay to do this every single time and so it's putting that firm boundary in place; “It's time for sleep.” You can do water before they go to bed and say, “Okay this is our last chance for water” or since the child is a little bit older if they don't have issues with going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you can allow them to have a water bottle in their room. Just know that they may be getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and so then you have to think about are they going to require your assistance if they have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? But for milk I usually say, “We don't do milk at night, if you need water you have a water bottle in your bed or on your nightstand.”

Some other takeaways from our conversation:

• Personally, I love to have a list of clear rules for bedtime. Start these early, like when they are a baby, and keep it to 2 or 3 very specific items. My kids had the following rules: Calm body, Quiet Mouth, Stay in your Bed. Say them every night or when you leave the room which could be multiple times a night lol!

• You can also use a nighttime checklist they can consult BEFORE calling you - you can sign up for my free checklist below.

• And finally, and probably the most crucial step to a successful bedtime: Connection.

Yasmin: “The mom has to go to work all day right? So, she's going to work and then when she gets home it's just craziness, getting dinner done, doing this, doing that, and then bedtime — but slowing down and taking 10 minutes of connection time with with your child before bed — especially if you're away from each other all day matters. They're going to need that little bit of connection time: whether it's active play, or sitting down together and reading a book together, or even just having the child pick an activity and you sit there and play along — but without being too inquisitive, without asking your child a million questions. Just saying things like “Oh, I love that you chose the red car, I'm going to choose a red car too” Letting them know that you value their choices and their likes and dislikes and really being fully into them during that play time is enough.”

You can learn more about Mindful Sleep and Yasmin’s offerings on her website mindfulsleepconsulting.com and make sure to listen to the episode for a whole lot more information! - Stef

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A Connected, Calm, Baby Bedtime Routine

Are you struggling to get your baby to sleep independently?

(Have a toddler? Click here).

Despite the stories, songs, books, and music, your child still needs you to fall asleep, and the whole song and dance of a “routine” is starting to feel frustrating. Well, I hear you on that - a routine does seem like a big waste of time if you are going to spend another hour sitting in their room bouncing or rocking or soothing.

So let’s figure this out. Let’s review a few questions that may seem counterintuitive but could help ease this all-to-common parenting battle.

What do you want?

Obviously, it’s sleep. And while you want what’s best for your baby, you also want sleep. Don’t underestimate the importance of your needs during these next few months.

I will get to the tips below, but I want to ensure you are 100% on board. Sometimes we do things because we think there is a certain “way” to do them and speaking from years of experience as a professional nanny, there is not one way. So there’s room for it to be your way.

Questions to consider before moving forward, with no right answers, only what feels right for you:

• Do you want to sleep alone at night? Or do you want to sleep with your child?

• What does your partner want?

• What is most important to you to develop now: connection, empathy, independence, or self-soothing skills?

• Do you want more kids? Or is this your last child?

• Where do YOU want to sleep right now? In their room with them? or your bed with your partner? Or everybody in your room or bed?

Determining the answers to these questions may be challenging, which is ok. We have many decisions made daily, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming. When I feel that way, I lean on what I call my GoodAF Mom intention - my “Why”: I intend to show up as my best self for my kids. Do you know why? Science shows that a mother’s level of contentment has twice the effect on her children than the happiness level of the father.

Twice.

Maybe that freaks you out a little - I certainly feel overwhelmed, but maybe we can look at it differently...

Maybe it means that you matter.

And what you want matters, Mama. If you are not being true to yourself, you act in ways that don’t feel right. And so you got to stop and CHOOSE YOURSELF.

That’s why I asked those questions initially - because you matter. I want you to be happy above all else.

And so, here are some ideas for a dreamy baby bedtime routine.

No matter where your baby sleeps, the number one priority of bedtime is connection. They are tired, their guard is down, and trust is essential to their nervous system. Connection helps a baby feel safe. And your second priority is predictability — for all the same reasons.

I know many parents who say they can’t stand a routined life, and although I am Type A, I understand. It’s just not how some people’s personalities work. If you are not into a 10-step baby bedtime routine, that is fine, choose 1 or 2 things that you do every night in the same order and then habit stack. Maybe the last thing you do before putting them in the crib is the same, and the last thing you do before walking out their door is also. Find what works and is predictable to them enough.

A baby's bedtime routine could look something like this:

During their nightly bath, you put your phone in another room and talk and play with them during those 10 minutes — like they are the only star in the sky. And then, when you get them out, always do the same thing. For example, you sing the same song as you towel dry them and put their lotion and diaper on; then you always say the same affirmation as you look in the mirror together and wave bye-bye to Mr.Rubber Ducky as you head to their room. See how there is a mix of connection and predictability to that routine?

Connection + Predictability = Calm Baby Bedtime

Connection is vital at bedtime because it helps stimulate the production of the love hormone Oxytocin. Oxytocin has been proven to lower stress levels in the body, especially by inhibiting the production of cortisol, the stress hormone that helps you wake up in the morning! Not great for bedtime.

Predictability is essential for young babies because their language skills are minimal. They use their super smart brains for pattern recognition, so if every night you put their sleep sack on before they go in their crib, this provides a signal for not only sleep but also for what part of the evening you are on - it’s close to the end, but it’s not the end yet. In fact, studies show the more predictable you are in your parenting style, the more emotional regulation your child will learn.

HERE ARE SOME OTHER TIPS:

• Come up with two or three rules that work for your family. These get recited every night multiple times. I know it seems “big kid” to have rules, but coming up with a catchphrase or something that is said every night is important for babies because it lays the groundwork for toddlerhood, and it is a predictable sleep cue.

• Make sure the time before bed is one of deep connection - that’s why books work so well. Feeling connected will help your child to feel safe and secure.

• If your baby screams when you put them down, and you don’t want to stay until they fall asleep, spend the money on a sleep consultant. It will be 100% worth it - much more than any SNOO or vibrating bed ever will be because a sleep consultant will teach you what you need to know for the sleep regressions to come, and there are a few!

• If your baby screams when you put them down, and you want to stay, make the room work for an adult. Put a twin mattress in there and get comfortable. My biggest regret is that I spend so many nights sleeping IN a crib with my youngest. My back still hurts. I think it’s ok to sleep in their room while they are babies - it really comes down to what you want and what you think you can handle right now. In the future, you can always adjust - don’t get caught up in society’s BS about unbreakable habits because there are none.

• If you bed share or have a co-sleeping crib and your baby wants you to stay, and you want to, then stay! Get some extra sleep and get up earlier the next day to do the dishes — or let your partner do it. You can do this for a few weeks and then begin the process of teaching them to sleep independently another time or you can do it for one night and go back to sleep learning. Connect, and don’t regret it.

• Learn about the three stages of sleep: Self-regulation, self-settling, and self-soothing. You can help with self-regulation or calming down: listen to lullabies together, or if that’s too stimulating, read a book like The Middle of the Night Book that teaches a body scan meditation. Self-settling is something they need to do on their own, that’s physiologically switching from an awakened mode to a sleep mode. You can help that process by providing a super dark room to sleep in. And then self-soothing is the method you use to regulate your emotions as you fall asleep. This skill also takes time to learn (like a lifetime) and is an independent sleep skill. When your child is very young, a pacifier, lovey, or something to hold will help them to feel connected to you, which can help with self-soothing. Make it easy to bridge the gap by sleeping with that item yourself before introducing it — so it smells like you.

  Most importantly, you feel confident about your bedtime choices, Mama. Your well-being and your health matter, And don’t forget - because you made it all the way to the end of this article (and even if you made it two sentences in), I know for a fact that you are a Good AF Mom already. - Stef

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The Modern Baby Book

Baby Love Letters was born from the desire to leave a story for my children. At 8 and 12, their baby books were pretty much empty and there was no going back. But they were still growing and doing fun and memorable things. So how do you make sure to record both the baby years and beyond, and with what time?

Since I now shower regularly I decided that I had time to write letters to them. These letters would be a nice replacement to the empty baby book years….until I discovered that even for a writer, writing the letters was tedious and I felt like I didn’t know what to say.

Motherhood is always filled with answers though, and on a road trip I was suddenly inspired - I would make mad-libs-style letters that anyone could fill out in a few minutes and add them to the box - perfect for toddlerhood AND teenagerland.

I would also include simple writing prompts - and finally a bunch of Thank You notes because it was very easy for me to be grateful to my kids. They had brought so much joy and love into my life and a letter of gratitude never was as hard as the blank page.

So many people tell you to enjoy every minute with your babies before they grow - and well, looking back I do miss their little faces but in the moments where I could barely figure out laundry and dinner if you told me to enjoy the moments NO that would have not gone down so great for you - so the idea of writing letters or long entries in a baby book HA!

But I could have definitely thrown a few things in a memory box 😂 And when I was feeling a little extra maybe write a short loving note. And so that’s the story of how I designed Baby Love Letters — to be a modern take on the baby book. This is not a sprint after all its a marathon and the memories don’t stop when they head off to school.

There are pretty pieces of stationery for that note you will write after 5th-grade graduation and the one on their 13th birthday. And while things are hairy, use one of the supplied prompts, write a short thank-you note, or just throw their preschool diploma or baby teeth (ew? 🤷🏼‍♀️) inside. And as they grow up the box will grow with you.

Obviously, Baby Love Letters make a great shower gift, duh - but buy it for yourself because you need a place for all those memories too!

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Your Toddler is Ready for a Bedtime Glow Up ✨

So it’s a complete shock when we decide it’s time to shake things up:

• saying goodbye to diapers

• going back to work full time and heading off to daycare

• maybe even eating with a fork instead of their fingers!!

  …the hits just keep coming.

I know when it comes to bedtime you may not be as ready to adjust your routine, the predictable nature of what may be: bath, then milk and snuggles, then bed. But just like learning to eat with a fork, new bedtime skills are important to the development of independence and can offer an opportunity to tackle sleep issues leftover from babyhood. 

1. Provide a lot more wind downtime. Slowing down earlier in the evening can make a huge difference for your little whirlwind. If you incorporate screen time in your evening it should end at least 1 hour before their established bedtime. Other ways to slow down include dimming the lights in the entire house, offering a bath time with a spa-like, calm atmosphere, and finally making sure their room is set up for sleep and no longer a “play zone”.

2. Start the switch from milk to water. This one is a toughy I know and I am not saying go cold turkey, but start the process slowly. By 2 years old your child will need a regular toothbrushing routine and drinking milk right before sleep complicates things. So this is a great time to wean from the night bottle. A simple way to replace milk at bedtime is to offer an insulated water bottle of warm water to drink while you read stories. Then move their nightly milk to before bath and toothbrushing time.

3. Add in a LOT of choices. Your toddler wants to be in charge of their newfound independence, so incorporate small choices into your bedtime routine. You can start by asking what color they want their bathwater to be (use food coloring!), and move on to who will brush their teeth, them? or you? Finally and most importantly they choose a book and you choose a book. It doesn’t have to be just two books, but pick a # of books and stick to it. Always let them choose the first ones and you choose the last one or what is called the “anchor” book. Make sure your anchor book is one that is read pretty often (or every single night if you can stand it) - this book is an important sleep signal to their bodies and brains. Here’s a great example of an anchor book.

4. Time for a big kid bed. There are whole articles written just on this transition so I will share only a few tips, the most important being = choices: new bedding they pick out, a book they can bring to bed now that they are ‘big’, which animals sleep with them, etc. These choices will help to activate your toddler’s feeling of ownership. Another tip is to place their new bed exactly where their crib was or at least make sure it's nestled into a corner. This placement will provide the same sense of enclosure that their crib offered.

5. Learn to stay in bed. Before you transition to a big kid bed, you should introduce a toddler clock. New expectations and skills are best learned separately even these two skills. At bedtime offer one final “check-in” 10 minutes after you tuck them in to allow for any last requests. In the morning, set the clock to change colors earlier than you may want to get up which will set them up for an easy win, then slowly push the time by 5 min increments to get to a more manageable wake-up time.

A solid bedtime routine is incredibly helpful to your toddler and for you as well. Use this opportunity to talk to your child about the new choices at bedtime now that they are “big” and write out their new schedule together. Also remember that when you are ready to introduce a toddler bed make sure you are not also working on another big life change like potty training or starting a new preschool, each one of these transitions deserves developmental time and space, and your toddlers will feel more at ease knowing that even if one area of their life may be changing the rest of their life is solid and secure.

BASED ON THEIR AGE EVERY CHILD NEEDS SOMETHING DIFFERENT:

• Toddlers need to learn to regulate and calm their bodies so they can access their own self-settling and soothing skills learned as babies.

• Establishing a strong bedtime routine is the foundation upon which these more intangible skills will grow.

So be prepared to help your toddler with their new bedtime routine and order your copy of The Middle of the Night Book today.

A Commitment to Parenting Mindfully

Growing up, I idolized Audrey Hepburn. I looked to her as a living example of what I felt inside on my very best days - beautiful, confident and empowered - center of the room, but still modest and kind. A single woman doing things the way she wanted to. She was always pushing herself to be her very best, a committed dancer before her acting career. Even after the war when her dancing career was over, she kept going, discovering new talents and became a sought-after superstar.

As I grew older and read more about her, I discovered that we were indeed more similar than I thought. When she discovered she could be a mother her life's priorities began to change - and her work life became difficult, always hoping to do "one last movie" and stay home. 

Her two worlds tugged at her: the one she had tried for her whole life and this new and wonderful adventure called Motherhood. In the end, she made the difficult choice to stop acting and become a full-time mom, a role which she was loyal to for the remainder of her life.

I think it was a brave and wonderful thing to do (and of course not a choice many of us could make without her superstar bankroll) A bonus of the decision can be found in her charity work with UNICEF which was given time to blossom and grow.

And the world went on without her - but the world inside her home would have been very different for her children (and the children of the world) if she hadn't fully committed to the thing she never knew she wanted.

Of course for her profession in the late 70s, she had to fully commit to her work, you simply did not split your time between motherhood and acting.

These days we can strive to have a career and be a fully present parent at the same time - but it’s in the commitment to parent mindfully that we finally figure out our next steps.

For me the role of “entrepreneur/boss mom/never-stop-always-go” finally ran out, my company acquired, my creative well ran dry - my “one last movie” was a wrap - and so I had little choice but to pick up the role of the SAHM. The way I conducted myself over the next two years is what changed me. Of course it did start out in a depressive state of clinging to everything that I thought had defined me: my work, my purpose, my financial independence, but eventually, (and with plenty of therapy) I decided it was time to parent differently. 

I was ready to take ownership of being a fully present parent - to try out PTA events and volunteer in the classroom, to actually listen to their long-winded stories and be curious about them too. More importantly, I was ready to look inside myself and listen to the mean things I had the habit of saying on a regular basis inside and out loud, too.

And through this commitment to my wellbeing I also realized that even though my gift has always been to help parents, I could do this with integrity and authenticity through my writing. And so I write here as much as I can, I write my newsletter and children’s books that pop into my head and my labor of love Parenting with Gratitude which I have spent over a year just letting pour out of me. 

I would have never been able to hear my thoughts and wisdom around this if I had made the choice to jump into one more startup or “one last movie” - my worlds would still be tugging in opposite directions with me tearing apart in the middle. In fact, I no longer have that problem at all, and it’s a wonderful feeling, one I will remain loyal to for the remainder of my life. 

Finding the Space to Listen...to Podcasts

Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have relied heavily on everything audio. Somehow the days just stretch ON when you are together 24 hours a day. Being an introverted person I enjoy using my headphones as a way to steal back a bit of personal space in my house overflowing with humans and animals demanding my attention. And my kids who love to read and tell stories eat up audiobooks like they are candy.

I’ll let Traci Joy tell you - but if you haven’t added this simple way to care for yourself to your daily routine could be a great way to find a quiet moment or two - almost like informative earplugs! And yes there are a thousand parenting pod-casts out there but is that really what you want to do with your alone time? Traci has a suggestion that is the perfect compromise. - Stef

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It’s crazy how many people I know who have never listened to a podcast (my husband for example). I’ve been a podcast junkie (a pod-head, if you will) for over ten years and have even attended live podcasts (2 Dope Queens, How Did This Get Made). I’m not exaggerating when I say that, as a parent, podcasts are a huge part of my self care. I spend all day listening to music with my toddler. Disney songs, Beatles Songs and somewhat child-friendly punk rock, fill every moment of my life when I’m with my three year old. But the second I’m alone it is podcast city. The sound of adult voices talking about adult things immediately dissipates all my mom related tension.

Which is why I never thought I would listen to a “parenting podcast.” It’s the same reason I’ve never read a parenting book; if I have free time I’m going to read or listen to something I actually enjoy, not something that will make me feel bad about my parenting choices. I’d much rather be listening to Keith Morrison talk about murder or Phoebe Robinson fan-girling over Bono than hear Janet Lansbury inform me of all the ways I’m f**king up my kid.

But for the past year I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the relatively new podcast Childish.

Hosted by Alison Rosen and Greg Fitzsimmons, this podcast is more akin to chatting with friends about parenthood than being lectured by a professor of child psychology.

The most interesting part to me is that while Alison has two kids under three, Greg has a son in college and daughter in high school. I’m sure you can imagine the difference in perspective from two people in two very different stages of parenthood. As the mom of a three year old I identify more with Alison but aspire to someday have Greg’s laid back attitude.

Their hilarious episodes cover parenting, relationships, a little financial talk and current events. They answer questions from listeners and share the highs and lows of their weeks. There is no parent shaming, just honest takes on their own journeys. For better or worse they share it all. 

this guest post is from Traci Joy Vaughn more info on her social marketing services here.

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The One Thing You Ever Need to Know About Toddler Sleep

this content is an Advertorial

This is an unprecedented time for parents. Caring for a baby or toddler non-stop with no breaks, coworkers who are unsympathetic, wildfires making the air unbreathable, and kids bouncing off the walls and furniture - I’m with you because in addition to being a professional nanny, I am a mom too.

But it’s more than just work/life balance issues at stake either — I’m talking about sleep (or the lack thereof!). There are more sleep issues that children go through than maybe you realize - and they are affecting exhausted parents who are already on the edge.

Toddler tantrums and night time waking are most common from age 1.5 to 2 years when there are enormous developmental leaps occurring. Learning to talk and communicate needs effects their brains tremendously — and physical leaps like learning how to walk, balance, climb and run can take over as their little brains push harder and harder for them to become independent.

They don’t compare toddlers to teenagers for just any old reason. Their little bodies and minds are on overload. And so toddlers wake up in the night sometimes with nightmares, sometimes night terrors and sometimes they are just 💯disoriented.

So they wake up screaming and in a full tantrum, or they may wake-up and refuse to leave your side. Either way, they need your help to learn how to notice their sleepiness and calm down. Joanna Clark, certified Gentle Sleep Coach from Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching, describes the three stages to falling asleep as “self-regulation, self-settling, and self-soothing” and if they can’t get to the self-settling step they won’t go back to sleep easily.

Our jobs as parents to guide them through that first stage of self-regulation and trust that once they are calm they will lean on the self-settling and self-soothing skills they learned as babies. 

But how do you do this at 2 am? 

Studies have shown time and time again how valuable meditation is for adults and how body scans in particular can lower stress hormones like cortisol. These methods regulate our emotions and also the nervous system as a whole. 

A body scan can provide an anchor point for your child to learn the foundational skill called 'body awareness' which will help them to notice their body's sleepiness and down-regulate from wiggles or tantrums.

Just like your bedtime books are a critical part of your bedtime routine, you can rely on a book for the middle of the night too. The Middle of the Night Book is the first bedtime board book to use a body scan meditation to help your child notice their sleepiness.

Based on their age every child needs something different:

• Babies need a strong bedtime routine to cue to them that it's time to sleep.

• Toddlers need to learn to regulate and calm their bodies so they can access their own self-settling and soothing skills learned as babies.

So be prepared to help your toddler with their 3 AM “back to sleep” routine before you’re too tired to think and preorder your copy of The Middle of the Night Book today.

Stef Tousignant is a professional nanny and author of The Middle of the Night Book who lives in the Bay Area, you can order on her book here.

Welcome to Quarantine Parenting — Now What?

Everyone is home and There’s nowhere to hide — So now what?

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A post shared by Parent Differently (@parent_differently) on Apr 15, 2020 at 1:24pm PDT

I don’t know about you but I am ready to do this whole thing a bit differently. I am discovering my old ways of getting through the day only worked when I could drop off my kids at school five days a week. Eeek!

I never had to deal with my mistakes as a parent on such a frequent and persistent basis. They went unnoticed for LONG periods of time before I actually realized I had fallen into some pretty bad parenting habits.

This week I have noticed the following:

• I make empty threats and don’t ever get to 3 when I count.

• I say NO way to quickly and typically I backpedal to YES because the No was irrational, which then makes me look like I am a pushover. Lose, lose.

• I say YES when I don’t want to fight about something that may actually be my preference, but then that makes me look “mean” when I say NO and mean it.

• I shield my children from hard situations by doing many things for them, which leaves me exhausted — and them demanding.

…and SO MUCH MORE…

I am not the only parent losing it this pandemic. This “new normal” is gonna be here for a while — so I have decided a few things:

1. I am going to focus on being a “good enough” parent, not a perfect parent - because after all, this is a historical pandemic.

2. I am going to make a few changes because they will only benefit us all in the next few months - and hey, we’re all here.

when I am really stressed and not taking care of myself (like these past weeks) you can be sure:

I am no fun - in fact I squash any fun around me.

I yell too much. I have a short temper.

I am cranky and will not let my kids in.

I forget to take moments to snuggle and connect.

If you are with me and ready to parent differently, a lot of what needs to happen has very little to do with our kids at all.

It starts with us. So here is my recipe for shaking up our Parenting Cycles while we shelter in place:

For You

• Get a “One Page per Day” book:

  • These are all books I have used in the past that are great for different reasons (not affiliate links):

    • A Year of Living Consciously: 365 Daily Inspirations for Creating a Life of Passion and Purpose by Gay Hendricks - great for taking a deeper look at the relationships in your life.

    • Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff MD - great for setting intentions prior to meditation.

    • One List a Day - great for developing a daily habit that doesn’t involve too much thought.

• Add a Daily Gratitude practice:

  • This seems silly at first, but once it gets going (maybe 2 weeks) your brain begins to adjust to looking for good - its amazing. I do it every morning paired with a daily book from above.

    • You can either write down 3 things in a notebook every morning or grab the Parenting with Gratitude: Journal here which I have been working on for 3 years — adjusting as I used it to make sure it matches the experience of real, honest parenting. (It’s on pre-order and will be ready to ship soon).

• Go Outside ALONE:

  • More on this here - but yes this is vital - and the alone bit is also vital. 5 to 10 minutes — nothing crazy!

• Make your to do list and then cross off half:

  • Check your weekly goals (see Column 2) make sure to add the things just for you.

  • Don’t delete the crossed out stuff. Just move half of what you want to do today, over to tomorrow’s list - then if you finish you can always grab them back, but our productivity expectations should be much lower right now - I mean cut yourself a break!

• Plan everything

  • Plan Your Weekend

    • What are your goals for the weekend?
      Grab a scrap of paper on Monday and make it the Weekend List. Then throughout the week add tasks to that list. However, once the weekend arrives prioritize - rest first!!

  • Plan Your Week

    • Take a weekend day and plan 1 or 2 goals for the week - things for YOU. It could be as simple as bake a loaf of fresh bread, or clean off the dining room table - just a few, don’t over do it.

    • If you don’t typically plan your week now is a good time to start. Remembering yourself and what makes you happy will — wait for it — make you happy!

  • Meal Plan

    • My favorite blogger Tracy Benjamin over at Shutterbean is the queen of Meal Prep, but I personally don’t Meal Prep - I just Meal Plan. I plan all of our lunches and dinners for the week and then I make the grocery list off that plan. If you want to “Meal Prep” you cook off a bunch of the items on the weekend which saves a ton of time during the week - perfect if you have a baby that won’t leave your hip! Awww remember the days!!

• Take True Alone Time

  • Hiding in your closet is one thing, but true alone time means not being responsible for anyone but yourself for at least 30 minutes. No “Mom!” or “Hey, Honey?” — just true alone time.

    • This means you ask your partner to pretend that you are not home.

    • This means you say “Goodbye” to your kids before you go - even if it’s just outside.

    • I use my car as an alone time zone - it works great. Other options: front stoop, your bedroom with headphones on, a walk around the neighborhood, bathtub - door locked.

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A post shared by Tracy Benjamin (@shutterbean) on Apr 6, 2020 at 6:18pm PDT

For Your Kids

• Daily Gratitude

  • Younger kids: Keep a gratitude journal for them or use a wipe off board where you record the list each morning over breakfast — you can put yours there as well to model the behavior.

  • Older Kids: Every morning in our house our kids write 3 pieces of gratitude on their bathroom mirror with a wipe off marker. This works because I also put my gratitude on the mirror in the AM too.

    • With the older kids we say no repeats from yesterday. Of course, it’s more about the actual structure of considering gratitude as a part of their daily routine than what they write so give positive feedback even if it is Minecraft every other day.

• Kindness Chain

  • You can notice the good with daily gratitude but also when you appreciate another’s kindnesses. Make a paper chain where each chain is a kind act you witnessed. Watch the chain grow as you notice all the good things your kids do, and feel the appreciation deeply as they add the kind things you do for them on a regular basis — magic.

• Audio book time

  • A half hour of listening to an audio book twice a day buys you an hour of alone time — no screens needed!. 15 minutes for a younger child works too, then go outside for a moment alone.

  • Audio books age by age here.

• Chores

  • It’s time people — this will make your life happier.

    • Full List here by age.

• Life Skills

  • Now is the time to learn how to do a bit more for themselves. The demands of homeschooling and home entertaining can be doable if we aren’t also making waffles every morning or changing their sheets - or diapers!

  • Toddlers:

    • Yes, now is probably the best time to potty train. I can offer tips on a personal level just shoot me an email or you can use the book Oh Crap! by Jamie Glowacki

  • Preschool and Kindergarten:

    • Independent play. Yes, it is time to learn and it is completely possible, but it takes some time from you. I have used the Feed the Meter system coined by Dr. Harvey Karp for years and it works. Play with your child first for 15 minutes = get 10 minutes of independent play out of them after. Feed the meter frequently enough they will eventually learn to stretch their independent play past the amount of time you put in.

  • Elementary Aged:

    • My 8 year old loves waffles. In fact he is a pretty picky eater except for waffles. So I have been making them a lot during SIP, but I’m starting to loose it. I don’t have time to make waffles from scratch every day. And so he is learning to make his own waffles — yes, with a few burns. But he loves to cook and so I am happy he is finally learning to do so —independently — and will gladly play more of a supervisor role from now on.

  • Middle School and Up:

    • I don’t have high schoolers — I pity the parents who are sheltered in place with those hormones. I do however have a middle schooler and he is learning to keep his room orderly and bed made due to daily Zoom calls in there. He is also learning to balance screen time with off-screen time: discovering just what makes a 10 minute break nourishing and just how much water & calories are enough to keep his energy up all day.

• Schedule Check In

  • How are things working? What can we change/adjust? Family meeting type deal.

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Helpless

This morning I screamed my head off.

It was not my finest moment.

I knew I didn’t like what I was doing when I was doing it.

But I felt like a wounded raccoon trapped in the corner by a grizzly bear. 

I felt like I could not win. That no matter what I was gonna lose.

And you know what  - I did.

I lost his respect. I lost a little bit of his love and affection. I lost a few stepping stones I had carefully and deliberately placed on my path to parenting differently.

I felt hurt and sad. He did too.

What was different this time is that I didn't feel hatred toward him. 

I didn't feel that burning inside of my body, seething and telling me he was laying in bed and not getting ready for school because he wanted to be an asshole to me.

Instead I felt helplessness, like I had no more control over this growing human and that no matter how nice I tried to be he was still gonna ignore me. I felt like I didn't matter to him so I started screaming.

look at me! you can’t ignore me now!

I’ve crossed the line - you know it.

I know it.

We all know it.

F*ck. And so it goes -

or more elegantly as the Buddhists say: “Begin Again”

We all get another chance to parent differently - it’s called tomorrow.