Family Gratitude Ideas: Feburary

Family Gratitude Ideas for February

February is the month of love and connection, so why not weave gratitude into your family’s daily routine? Here are some simple, meaningful ways to practice gratitude together:

💛 Gratitude Chain – Start a paper chain where each link has something your family is grateful for. Watch it grow throughout the month (or year)!

🌳 Love Letter to Nature – Pick a favorite tree, plant, or spot in nature and write a note of appreciation.

💖 Hanging Hearts of Gratitude – Cut out paper hearts and write something you love about each family member. Hang them around the house for surprise love notes!

⚓ Family Gratitude Anchor – Choose a simple ritual to anchor gratitude in your family. Maybe it’s sharing one thing you’re grateful for at dinner or a landmark on your commute to school.

❤️ 28 Ways I Love You – Can you come up with 28 things you love about each of your kids? Write them down and share one each day.

📚 Family Gratitude Book – Keep a notebook where everyone can add things they’re grateful for. By next February, you’ll have a beautiful record of appreciation!

🌱 Plant Seeds, Watch Gratitude Grow – Start planting now (herbs, veggies, or flowers) and talk about what you’re grateful for as you care for them. By summer, you'll have something tangible to enjoy!

These ideas don’t take much time, but they create lasting connections and help kids see the beauty in everyday moments. Which one will your family try first? - Stef 🪷

Why Noticing Beauty Makes You a Better (and Happier) Parent

Beauty is all around us - but why?

As a species, we can see beauty. But why? Does the ability to see and observe beauty serve a purpose beyond aesthetics? When I look out my window on a rainy day, the way the leaves shine with intensity and the wind makes the tree limbs gracefully bend and dance—it’s mesmerizing. And yet, most of the time, we don’t even notice—afteral, the demands of parenthood are very distracting and loud.

What if beauty exists not just for admiration, but for our well-being? What if it’s sole purpose is to anchor us in the present, to nourish our emotional health, and to remind us, even in the most chaotic parenting moments, that life is rich and full of goodness?

The Many Forms of Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t just saying “thank you.” Gratitude can be categorized into various types, including personal gratitude for what you receive, interpersonal gratitude towards others, and transpersonal gratitude, which may involve feeling connected to a higher power or the universe. Each one of it’s forms shapes how we experience the world and our role as parents:

• Reciprocal Gratitude – The kind we express in relationships, when there’s an exchange: “Thank you for making me coffee.” “I appreciate you helping with bedtime.” This form of gratitude strengthens social bonds and fosters a sense of community and mutual support.

• Subtractive Gratitude – The mental exercise of recognizing what could be worse: “At least my kids are healthy.” “At least we have a home.” This isn’t about dismissing hardship but about shifting perspective. Practicing subtractive gratitude can help you to appreciate your current circumstances by considering how it could be more challenging.

• Existential Gratitude – The deepest kind. The kind that doesn’t require a transaction. It’s simply the awe of existence. The gift of being alive, of witnessing our children grow, of experiencing fleeting moments of pure love. Existential gratitude involves a profound appreciation for life itself, often leading to increased well-being and a deeper sense of purpose.

The Connection Between Beauty, Gratitude, and Self-Trust

Beauty is always around us, but noticing it is a skill. When we pause and let it in, something powerful happens it helps to strengthen what I call the five contributors to self-trust:

• Self-Worth – Seeing beauty reminds us that we are inherently valuable, not just because of what we do, but because we exist. We don’t have to earn rest, joy, or appreciation—we deserve them simply by being here.

• Self-Efficacy – Recognizing beauty builds confidence in our ability to shift our mindset. If we can notice beauty in hard moments, we can trust ourselves to navigate challenges with perspective.

• Self-Compassion – Noticing beauty softens our inner critic. It reminds us that perfection isn’t the goal—presence is. We don’t need to parent flawlessly; we just need to show up, again and again, with love.

• Self-Resilience – Beauty is a steady undercurrent, a reminder that struggle and joy coexist. Seeing it helps us bounce back, knowing that difficult moments don’t erase the good.

• Self-Confidence – The ability to spot beauty, even in exhaustion, is a form of trust in ourselves. It affirms that we are present enough to witness the good and strong enough to hold both beauty and hardship at once.

Why This Matters in Parenting

The acts of parenting can feel relentless. Another diaper. Another tantrum. Another dinner that no one will eat. But what if, in between those moments, we trained ourselves to notice the beauty? And it doesn’t have to be the beauty of your child’s crayon on the wall, let’s be realistic. Looking out your window is a perfect place to start. And it offers an individual experience for everyone, some of us like the rain others the sun, some like the wind others find it disconcerting, etc etc. Engaging with nature's beauty has been shown to reduce stress and improve mood, which can be particularly beneficial for navigating the monotony of parenting routines.

• The golden light streaming through the window at bath time.

• The sparkling waterspray as the car in front of you washes their windsheild.

• The soft hush of the forest as you walk your dog.

These moments aren’t just fleeting joys; they are fuel. They are what keep us going, keep us soft, keep us connected and allow for our appreciation to seep indoors to the…

• The way our child’s eyelashes rest against their cheek as they sleep.

• The soft weight of their hand in ours.

• To how holding them makes us feel held as well.

Beauty isn’t a mistake. It’s here for us—to soak into our souls, to remind us why we keep showing up, to help us see that even in the middle of the hardest days, the view from the top is breathtaking.

Want to start noticing more beauty in your everyday parenting moments?

Try these on for size:

🌿 Before bed, recall one small beautiful thing you noticed today.
📸 Take a quick photo of something that catches your eye—your child’s laughter, a shadow on the wall, your coffee in the morning light.
✏️ Write it down. The more you notice, the more beauty you will find.

Gratitude isn’t about ignoring hardship. It’s about seeing the whole picture—and allowing the breathtaking parts to land. - Stef 🪷

Why Parenting Feels So Hard—And How to Make It Easier

How Perspective Shapes Our Parenting Experience

What if the stress we feel as parents isn’t a sign that we’re failing, but simply a part of the picture—always has been, always will be? What if obsessing over the hard parts is keeping us from noticing the good?

Science backs this up in many ways. Negativity bias means our brains are wired to focus on what’s going wrong. The action tendency of negative emotions makes stress feel urgent, forcing us to react rather than reflect. And the cultural narrative of parenting—relentless, exhausting, impossible—only reinforces the idea that if we’re not struggling, we must be doing it wrong.

But here’s the thing: Some stress is just part of parenting. That doesn’t mean we ignore the very real external pressures—income disparity, racism, systemic failures—that make parenting harder. But even in an ideal world, where external systems supported parents fully, would we still find things to stress about? Probably.

And here’s where we make it worse for ourselves: It’s not just the stress; it’s our reaction to the stress.

The Second Arrow: Making Harder What’s Already Hard

In Buddhism, there’s a teaching called the Second Arrow. The first arrow is the unavoidable pain of life—getting hurt, experiencing loss, facing disappointment. The second arrow is what we do with that pain. It’s the story we tell ourselves about it: Why me? Why does this always happen? What did I do to deserve this?

Now apply this to parenting.

The first arrow is real:

• Your toddler throws their food across the room after you just cleaned.

• Your teenager swears they did their homework, but you find out later they didn’t.

• You’re exhausted, and instead of a quiet bedtime routine, it’s a meltdown.

That’s frustrating, no doubt. But the second arrow is what really drains us:

• Why is my child like this?

• Why do I always have to deal with this?

• Other parents seem to have it easier—what’s wrong with me?

This mental spiral adds another layer of suffering. It turns a single difficult moment into a heavy, all-encompassing narrative about parenthood.

What If We Looked at Parenting Differently?

What if instead of measuring our success by how little we struggle, we looked at how parenting shapes us? What if, instead of obsessing over what’s hard, we made space to notice where we’ve grown?

Because here’s the reality:
✔ Parenting pushes us to be better people.
✔ Our kids force us to examine parts of ourselves we’d rather ignore.
✔ No one else on earth can light something up inside us the way our children do.

The day-to-day struggles of parenting are real, but so are the moments of joy, connection, and growth. And if we don’t pay attention to them, they pass us by.

So the next time parenting feels impossible, pause. Notice the first arrow—yes, it’s hard. But then ask yourself: Do I need to shoot the second one?

Because maybe, just maybe, there’s something else to notice, too.

This is Parenting with Gratitude®

It’s not about ignoring the tough moments. It’s about choosing to notice the whole picture—the struggle and the joy, the frustration and the love. It’s about trusting that within every hard parenting moment, there’s also something meaningful to be found.

And when we stop shooting the second arrow, we make room to see it. - 🪷 Stef

Burned Out or Just Stressed? How to Tell the Difference

Parental Burnout vs. Parental Stress

What’s the Difference?

Let’s be honest, parenting can be a total s*** show - a firehose of surprises, joy, and challenges that feel like they will never end. It can feel overwhelming, exhausting, and relentless. At some point, most of us have felt stretched sooooooo thin, caught in the never-ending cycle of caregiving tasks, while adapting to changing circumstances and expectations. That’s why it’s important to recognize the difference between everyday stress and full-blown burnout—because one is a rough day, and the other can make you question everything.

Parental stress is a natural response to the demands of raising children—figuring out how to soothe a crying baby or managing a teenager’s curfew negotiations. Parental burnout, on the other hand, is when stress turns chronic and depletes you entirely. It’s more than feeling tired; it’s feeling like you have nothing left to give, emotionally or physically. Research shows that parental burnout stems not only from the pressures of caregiving but also from a culture that glamorizes sacrifice while offering little systemic support. Recognizing the signs of burnout is the first step toward breaking the cycle.

What’s Causing Parental Burnout?

Fifty-seven percent (57%) of parents self-reported burnout in an Ohio State 2024 survey. So, what’s driving this pervasive issue? For many, it’s the impossible expectations placed on parents today. We’re told to be constantly present, perfectly engaged, and endlessly productive. If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing no matter what you do, you’re not alone.

But burnout isn’t just about the demands placed on us—it’s about the gap between those demands and the resources we have to meet them. When the system leaves parents without support—like affordable childcare, flexible work options, or community networks—burnout becomes a natural consequence.

What Are Some Signs of Parental Burnout?

Burnout doesn’t show up with a big red flag 🚩 or an official warning 🚨 —it sneaks in, slow and steady, until one day you realize you’ve got nothing left in the tank. Maybe you feel emotionally detached from your kids or find yourself snapping at them more often. You might wake up feeling as exhausted as when you went to bed, or you’ve started questioning whether you’re cut out for parenting at all. These feelings can spiral if left unaddressed.

There are the four widely recognized signs of parental burnout, or a “prolonged response to chronic and overwhelming parental stress” (Mikolajczak & Roskam, 2018). But here’s the good news: You can interrupt that spiral. And no, you don’t need a life overhaul or a weeklong retreat to do it.

4 Symptoms of Parental Burnout:

• Extreme exhaustion – Waking up already drained, dreading another day of parenting, and feeling emotionally depleted.
• Emotional distancing – Becoming less engaged, going through the motions, and interacting only to meet basic needs rather than for connection.
• Loss of fulfillment – Feeling fed up with parenting, no longer enjoying time with your children, and questioning your role as a parent.
• Drastic shift from the past – Feeling completely different from the parent you once were, as if you’ve lost the joy or purpose you used to have in parenting.

Not sure if you are burned out? Take this quiz.

How Can Gratitude Help Interrupt Burnout?

This is where the Parenting with Gratitude® method comes in. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring the hard stuff or slapping a smile on your face when you feel like crying. It’s about noticing the good that already exists, even in the chaos. Gratitude allows you to focus on what’s working instead of what’s not—giving you a much-needed mental reset.

For example, instead of ruminating on a how you handled a tantrum-filled morning, you might notice how your child’s laughter lit up lunchtime later. Gratitude doesn’t erase the challenges, but it softens their edges, helping you approach parenting with more resilience and joy.

How Can Parents Start Practicing Gratitude Today?

You don’t need hours of free time or fancy tools to begin. Here are three small steps you can take today:

1. End the day with a win: Before bed, write down one thing that went well—even if it’s as simple as everyone eating dinner without complaint.

2. Shift your focus: The next time you catch yourself replaying a tough parenting moment, pause and ask yourself: What went right today?

3. Create a gratitude anchor: Choose a simple ritual that reminds you to notice the good—whether it’s every time you grab your keys, or maybe tacking up a favorite quote on the fridge that will catch your eye each time you breeze by.

Parenting with gratitude doesn’t mean pretending things aren’t hard. It means giving equal weight to the joy, connection, and growth that come alongside the challenges. And when you start noticing those moments more often, something shifts—you stop surviving and start thriving.

So, the next time you feel like parenting is all too much, try this: Take a deep breath, look for one thing you’re grateful for, and remind yourself that you’re doing enough. You’ve got this.

Ready to take the next step? Learn more about the Parenting with Gratitude® method and how it can transform your parenting journey. Let’s embrace the joy already waiting for us.

Mindful Awareness for Parents

The Foundation of Parenting with Gratitude©

During the pandemic, I kept a journal to keep myself from loosing time—I’m sure you can remember the days running into one another. Each day, I jotted down my supplements, my mood, and a list of things I was grateful for. What surprised me most was how nourishing that gratitude list became, even amid such hardship at home and all over the world. How could my gratitude grow stronger in the face of so much struggle? This question led me to realize: mindfulness and gratitude are intertwined, and together, they offer a way not just to cope but to thrive as a parent.

Mindfulness in Action: Redefining What It Means

Mindfulness often gets a bad rap. You may think it requires complex routines or dedicated meditation practices. But mindfulness is simply noticing life. And in the context of parenting, gratitude becomes mindfulness in action. When we actively look for what’s going well in our lives as parents—despite the messiness and chaos—we naturally cultivate greater awareness of the present moment.

For example, think about a time when your toddler was on the verge of a meltdown. Maybe they were furiously frustrated and about to throw their favorite toy. If you’ve ever caught yourself marveling at how adorable their tiny scowl is—even possibly holding back a laugh—you’ve experienced the duality of life. Parenting exists in an “AND” world: the toy is about to fly across the room AND your toddler’s sheer determination is endearing.

Mindful awareness helps us live in this duality, where both positive and negative emotions coexist.

Defining Mindful Awareness

Mindful awareness involves being fully present in the moment, acknowledging and accepting one's thoughts and feelings without judgment. It allows individuals to experience life as it unfolds, fostering a deeper connection with oneself and others. - Paul T.P. Wong

Practicing OCEAN: The Traits of Mindful Awareness

Mindfulness consists of five key traits, according to Daniel J. Siegel in The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being (2007):

• openness

• compassion

• empathy

• acceptance

• and nonjudgment

These are collectively referred to as the OCEAN framework. These traits create a foundation for mindful awareness and provide parents with tools to navigate the duality of parenting moments.

Negative emotions—like anger, frustration, or fear—are evolutionarily loud and often lead us to react without thinking. But in every moment of parenting, we also have access to the aspects of OCEAN from openness, to compassion, to empathy. The key is learning to leverage these quieter traits. It takes practice, but with time, they can become as natural as our initial emotional responses.

For instance, when my teenager snaps at me for asking if his homework is done, I could easily react to his tone. But instead, I’ve learned to say, “Hey, I’m noticing your tone feels a bit harsh. We’re just talking logistics—there’s no judgment here.” This small, mindful acknowledgment gives him the space to pause, breathe, and recalibrate. It also allows me to respond with compassion rather than escalating into conflict.

From Gratitude as a State to Gratitude as a Trait

Looking at life through the lens of parenting with gratitude© is an intentional, daily choice. It means seeking out the good and looking for what’s going right–even on the hardest days. Over time, this practice evolves gratitude from a fleeting temporary state into a lasting trait—a consistent way of seeing the world.

This evolution changes the way we interpret our mistakes. As parents, we all mess up. But when gratitude becomes a trait, we know from past experience that the good we’ve cultivated far outweighs the bad. It creates a deep self-trust in the overall balance of our parenting journey and reinforces our sense of self-efficacy and agency.

Parental Agency: Trusting What’s Already Within You

Practical Ways to Build Parental Agency

Notice small moments of connection with your child, even during tension.

Reflect on three parenting wins each day.

Practice self-compassion when parenting feels overwhelming.

Mindful awareness and gratitude reinforce my belief that I have everything I need within myself–and you do too. When we choose to see the good and embrace our parenting wins, we tap into a reservoir of self-trust. This process builds self-efficacy—or the confidence that we can navigate challenges—and helps us reclaim our power in a world that often tells us we’re not enough.

Connecting More Deeply: The Surprising Benefits

The practice of mindfulness and gratitude doesn’t just impact how we parent; it also deepens our connection with our children and ourselves. When I’m not caught up in reactive emotions, I can meet my kids where they are, with all the compassion and acceptance they deserve.

Even in moments of tension—like when my son is being driven by hormonal surges he can’t fully control—I’ve found that offering understanding instead of judgment transforms our interactions. This doesn’t mean I ignore bad behavior; it means I choose a mindful response that leaves room for repair and growth.

A Foundation for Parenting with Gratitude©

Mindful awareness is the foundation of parenting with gratitude. By cultivating traits like openness, compassion, and acceptance as outlined by Siegel, we learn to see parenting not as a series of battles to be fought but as a journey filled with unnoticed moments of grace and growth. And as we practice gratitude, we shift our perspective to one that recognizes not just the challenges of parenting but also its many benefits.

When we parent with gratitude, we don’t ignore the hard stuff; we simply choose to see the good alongside it. Over time, this duality creates a resilient, mindful approach to life—one where gratitude becomes a trait, not just a fleeting state. And in doing so, we discover that everything we need to thrive as parents is already within us. - Stef

Gratitude: The Parenting Superpower You Already Have

Parenting is stressful–yeah I’ve heard that. But here’s the thing— I believe that parenting is also a source of strength, resilience, love and connection —and gratitude, a positive emotion we all know and love. And gratitude has never really been applied to one of life’s biggest challenges: raising kids.

Mindfulness? Sure, it’s great. But for most parents, taking a 20-minute meditation break or going on a retreat isn’t exactly practical. What we need is something that works in the chaos, not outside of it. And that’s where gratitude comes in.

Over half of the gratitude parents feel in their lives (58%) is directly linked to their role as a parent.

• Gratitude builds resilience
• Gratitude creates meaning
• Gratitude enhances self-worth

Parenting is one of the most demanding roles of a lifetime, yet it’s rarely talked about in a way that highlights it’s benefits. Too often, the narrative is about what we’re doing wrong (either not doing enough, or doing too much.) But what if we decided to shift that narrative?

As a gratitude researcher, I’ve spent the past few years studying how gratitude intersects with parenting—and the results might surprise you. My findings show that over half of the gratitude parents feel in their lives (58%) is directly linked to their role as a parent. 

In fact, 72% of parents I talked to used gratitude as a tool during tough times, helping them navigate challenges with greater resilience and meaning.

Gratitude isn’t just a ‘nice to try’—it’s a powerful, science-backed tool for improving your well-being and transforming how you experience parenting.

What Gratitude Does for Parents

1. Gratitude Builds Resilience

Parenting is full of stress—64% of parents report high levels of stress according to the U.S. Surgeon General. But here’s the good news: gratitude may act as a protective factor. My research found that parents who actively practice gratitude reported higher resilience and emotional regulation.

When we notice even small wins, like getting through bedtime without tears or sharing a silly moment with our kids, we reframe challenges as opportunities for growth. Gratitude doesn’t erase the hard parts, but it helps us bounce forward stronger.

2. Gratitude Creates Meaning in the Mess

72% of parents I talked to used gratitude as a tool during tough times.

Parenting often feels like an endless to-do list. But gratitude can turn those everyday moments into something meaningful.

In my research, parents shared that reflecting on gratitude helped them make sense of the chaos, and notice when they got things right amidst the chaos. This meaning-making helped creat a deeper connection to their role. Gratitude allows you to see beyond the torn books and the tantrums and focus on what truly matters: the bond you’re building with your child and the strengths you flex each day as you show up imperfectly for them.

3. Gratitude Enhances Self-Worth

Let’s talk about “Mom Guilt.” Modern parenting culture is riddled with shame and self-criticism, making us feel like we’re never enough. Gratitude changes that.

By focusing on what’s working—like the effort you put in every day—you start to see yourself not as a failure, but as a capable, loving parent. This shift in perspective is vital for building self-worth, a foundation for thriving in parenthood.

Gratitude in Action

How to Start Today:

Gratitude doesn’t require perfection or hours of free time. Here’s how you can begin:

• Daily Gratitude Reflection: Take 2 minutes each day to list 3 things you’re grateful for—big or small. This practice helps train your brain to notice the good.
• Gratitude Pause: When you feel overwhelmed, pause and ask, “What’s one thing going right?” This simple act can shift your mindset in real time.
• Gratitude with Kids: At dinner or bedtime, ask your children to share one thing they’re grateful for. This not only builds connection but teaches them lifelong skills for resilience.

Customize your practice based on your personality, time, whatever makes you, you with more practices here.

The Parental Gratitude Well-Being Framework

In my research, I developed a framework that shows how gratitude interacts with key protective factors like resilience, meaning-making, and self-efficacy. These elements form a virtuous cycle, where gratitude enhances well-being, which in turn strengthens your ability to parent with intention and joy. 

An actionable way to look at this cycle is the PWG© Formula which is: Intention + Attention + Action + Repetition = Results You Can See and Feel.

This isn’t about ignoring the hard parts of parenting. It’s about balancing them with moments of joy and connection. Gratitude reminds us that we are not defined by our struggles but by noticing the tools we already have within us to learn from and rise above them.

Ready to Start?

Parenting isn’t perfect, but it’s full of opportunities to grow, connect, and flourish. When we practice gratitude, we unlock a new way of seeing ourselves, our children, and the journey we’re on together.

Join me in the 90-Day Gratitude Challenge and discover how this simple practice can transform your parenting—and your life. Want to read more about the benefits of Parenting with Gratitude? Click here.

Family Gratitude Ideas: January

Instead of New Year’s Resolutions, I start out each year by making a list of how I want to feel. After all, new year, same me–not new me–and I love myself exactly how I am. I have felt things in the past that maybe I want to feel again and more of! But this time I will use the power of purpose and intention to make them come to life and savor them when they are here.

This year I want to feel:

• the freedom to let go
• socially supported
• unlimited
• ready, capable and equipped
• creative, inspired and writerly.

So first up on the family list of gratitude ideas for the month of January is:

1. How do you want to feel this year?

   For kids this prompt may look a bit different than for you. Since emotional intellegence is a skill we can all learn from a young age, but the vocabulary of emotions is something that our generations werent necessarily taught using a feelings wheel here would be super helpful. Here’s one especially made for kids of different ages that features drawings of the emotions as well as the corresponding word.

   1. For toddlers you may ask - Whats your favorite way to feel? How much do you want to feel that? All the time? Sometimes?

   2. For elementary school aged kids you can have them associate a feeling word with each month. Then on the 1st check in and ask them in what ways they will make it happen each month.

   3. And for older kids they can choose a few different ways they want to feel for the year and write them down on a note card they can post in their room - or write on a paper calendar they may have or put them in their phone on the first of each month.

2. The Grateful Home Game

Visit one room at a time within your home, (even the bathrooms!) and see if you can make a list of all the things you are grateful for in that room. Which room ends up having the longest list? In which room do you find things that surprise you? Does your dog follow you from room to room - listing them in each room counts in my book! :)

Whether it’s the rainy season or the full on chill of winter, when we can’t go outside due to weather, it’s naturally harder to find things to be grateful for. So this game can help bring a fresh look at the spaces you inhabit on a daily basis, and it will make you feel pretty good about yourself too. I bet some of the things your kids may be grateful for like the warm water or bubbles in the tub are there because of your hard work and effort to add a bit of magic to their lives.

3. Books to read that will inspire gratitude, delight and awe:

1. Miss Rumphius by Barbara Cooney

   If I could list this book every month, I would. Its one of my favorites of all time. The story follows the life of Miss Rumphius, from little girl to eldery woman. Inspired by her grandfather's advice to make the world more beautiful, she travels the globe in search of adventure and eventually fulfills her dream by planting lupines across the countryside. This inspiring story blends themes of wanderlust, purpose, and legacy - literally showing how planting seeds of different sorts from travel to flowers can have an enormous effect on the world around us. A true “we make ripples in the world” book.

2. The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton

   The Little House built with care in the countryside, witnesses the changing seasons and the growth of a bustling city around it, longing for the simplicity of its earlier days. The house embodies gratitude for the quiet joys of the countryside and the sense of belonging in a cherished home. As the story unfolds, it contrasts the bustling, impersonal growth of the city with the enduring value of the simple, serene life the house originally knew. The resolution reminds readers to value and be grateful for the foundational, often overlooked aspects of life that bring true contentment. The simple things.

3. Of Thee I sing by Barack Obama

   In Of Thee I Sing, Barack Obama writes a heartfelt letter to his daughters, celebrating the traits of historical figures who embody the values of bravery, creativity, and compassion. Each page honors a trailblazer—from Georgia O’Keeffe to Martin Luther King Jr.—while encouraging readers to look for these qualities within themselves. The book invites reflection on the legacy of those who came before us and gratitude for the strengths and potential we all hold to make a difference in the world. It’s a beautiful reminder to appreciate not only what others have achieved but also the unique gifts we bring to our communities and homes.

Interested in more Family Gratitude Ideas? How about 365+? Check out the Gratitude Calendar archive here! - Stef

Family Gratitude Ideas: December

As the holiday spirit fills our homes, it's easy to overlook the incredible thoughtfulness and effort we already put into creating magical moments for our kids. The holidays are a perfect opportunity to not only celebrate those strengths but also to add rituals that nurture family connection and cultivate gratitude. This December, give a few new family rituals a try, each designed to foster connection and appreciation. From delightful holiday feasts with fun conversation starters to post-holiday traditions that extend the joy well into the new year, these activities promise to infuse your family's December with warmth, gratitude, and a touch of festive magic.

December 21st:

A Parents Day of Rest

The holidays often center on creating joy for our kids, and as parents, we show up for that with love and care. But it’s just as important to honor the traditions and moments that fill our own cups. That’s why I created the Parents Day of Rest where I focus on my favorite things to do. No kids holiday music or movies - just Nat King Cole and White Christmas. I may even cook a batch of cookies that have things in them that only I like! Take the day - and share your fun using #parentsdayofrest on Instagram.

Holiday mEALS:

Conversation Starters

Try Table Topics Gratitude to start some really fun holiday conversations focused around what we have and not what we will receive. Gratitude conversations are a wonderful way to help your family notice the joy you’re already creating. As you share what you’re thankful for, you’ll likely uncover the small, meaningful ways you’re already enriching each other’s lives.

All winter long:

Gratitude Snowstorm

This is a crowd favorite in my house. Do your kids love to cut snowflakes out of paper? Every time they make a snowflake encourage them write a piece of gratitude on it. Then place a string across a room and hang the snowflakes from it at varying heights. Then watch the indoor snowstorm grow throughout the winter season! (Looks really pretty too!)

After The Holidays:

A Year of Gratitude

Each family member reflects on the past year and makes a list of moments they’re grateful for—big or small—that highlight the unique ways you’ve all contributed to a meaningful year together and places it in their empty stocking or the holiday decoration box before it all gets packed away. Read them all together when the decorations come out again next year.

Sincere Thanks - Explain to your little ones that this year they will be writing Thank You notes to family and friends who send them gifts. Disclosing this upfront will hopefully help them notice when opening gifts, so that the thankfulness they share is sincere. If they don’t have any genuine gratitude (maybe because the gift was something they already had, etc) I encourage my kids to think of the person wrapping it and taking time out of their day for them finding something within the act itself to be grateful for. Gratitude isn’t about perfection; it’s about noticing the care that others show us in their own ways.

During Winter Break:

Friend Appreciation

Have your children make a list of friends who were there for them this past year. Suggest they send them a drawing or a printed photo showcasing a fun activity they did together or a letter via snail mail. (Older kids won’t want to do this part, but making the list alone will remind them of the social support they have and can lean on for the rest of the school year.)

Gratitude is already woven into so many parts of your family’s life—sometimes we just need a little reminder to see it. Looking for more ideas? Check out November’s post, filled with even more ways to celebrate the strengths that make your family uniquely yours.

What to Read Next…

Hope as Your Anchor: Navigating Modern Parenthood with Optimism

Let’s get real for a moment about this wild ride called parenting. It is an ever-changing, sometimes overwhelming job, where the rules seem to be constantly rewritten. That's where Pragmatic Hope comes in - it’s not just hope that is a pipe dream, or pretending everything's peachy. It's about finding strength in the real, the messy, the everyday chaos of parenting our little ones and being deliberate in our plans.

I’ve navigated the ups and downs of parenting young children for over two decades. The days are long, the nights can feel endless, and those early mornings... well, they come way too soon. Choosing hope over helplessness is a decision we have to make every. single. day. because the realities of parenting are overwhelming. We can give up or we can choose to look towards the future.

Of course the future may need a bit of a refreshed perspective: Instead of striving for the elusive 'perfect parent' status, why not aim for something more realistic and kind to yourself? Harnessing pragmatic hope helps us to set achievable goals and find joy in the little victories, all while being gentle with our progress. As Rumi wisely said, "Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder."

Now, let’s sprinkle some of this hope into our daily routines with three simple, gratitude-filled exercises:

1. Kick-Start Your Day:

Before the day sweeps you off your feet, jot down three things you’re thankful for having in your life. It could be as simple as your kiddo's infectious laugh or that much-needed cup of coffee. This will set a positive tone for your day and remind you of the good amidst the whirlwind.

Role of Hope: Starting the day by identifying things to be grateful for is an act of hopeful anticipation. It fosters a mindset that, regardless of the day's challenges, there are always elements of positivity and potential for good. This practice cultivates an optimistic outlook, encouraging you to face the day with a hopeful perspective.

Impact on Parenting: By beginning the day focusing on positive aspects, you are more likely to approach parenting challenges with a hopeful and constructive attitude, expecting positive interactions and outcomes.

2. Pause and Observe:

Amidst the daily hustle, take a moment to just watch your child. Whether it’s during a meal, playtime, or those rare quiet moments. Observe them, breathe in, and silently express gratitude for these precious moments.

Role of Hope: Mindful observation of your child is an exercise in hopeful presence. It is about seeing the potential and beauty in every moment with the child, even in routine or challenging situations. This practice is underpinned by the hope that these moments contribute to the child's growth and the deepening of the parent-child bond.

Impact on Parenting: Engaging in mindful observation helps parents appreciate the journey and maybe even dip into the unique feeling of "parental gratitude”, fostering deep meaning and purpose to one’s day.

3. Reflect and Reset in the Evening:

As the day winds down, think of one parenting challenge you dealt with and see if you can find a positive takeaway. Then, set an intention for the next day, something to help you and your kiddo thrive which is rooted in your hopes and dreams for them.

Role of Hope: Reflecting on the day's challenges and setting intentions for the next day is a practice of hopeful resilience. It’s about acknowledging that while not every day is perfect, there is always the hope and possibility for improvement and growth. Setting positive intentions is an act of looking forward with hope to what can be achieved.

Impact on Parenting: This practice encourages you to not be defined by the day's hassles but to maintain hope for better days. It helps to instill a growth mindset, where challenges are seen as opportunities for learning and betterment.

"Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." -Rumi

Our kids offer us a daily chance to grow, to embrace our current selves. They allow us to see that there is good even when the world feels frustrating and even a little bit rigged.

Remember, this journey is about practice, not perfection. It’s about setting intentions for our daily lives, and finding gratitude in the everyday.

Do you have an intention? Transform your parenting style into something more fulfilling by giving hope a place in your routines. You've got this. - Stef

What to read next…

Slow November: Family Gratitude Ideas and Activities

Well, it's officially the month of gratitude, and I like to keep it that way by saving the holiday decorations for December. You see, for me, it became clear that when my family got too caught up in the winter holidays, we tended to overlook the season of appreciation and thanks. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a little holiday excitement. I mean, Santa and his reindeer are practically my besties. But it got me thinking — who should really define our family values, Walmart and Lego, or us?

After pondering this for many years, I felt increasingly uncomfortable with our family's growing focus on materialism during a holiday season that seemed to expand every year, all driven by big businesses. So, I decided to take back November and stand up for our family values. When December 1st finally rolls around, I'm ready with my blinking lights, tree, and fake snow. But for November, we're all about embracing a slower pace. It's a time when we put our focus on family, friends, and our community. We reach out to our neighbors, and we take a moment to reflect on the kindness we've shared.

Without this pause, we risk losing the true essence of what makes these family moments meaningful. If we don't slow down in November, we might find ourselves swept up in the commercial whirlwind, missing the genuine connections and gratitude we all long for.

This Month is our time to hit the pause button and embrace a 'Slow November.'

In today's fast-paced world, a 'Slow November' holds more significance than ever. With our lives filled with endless distractions and the constant pull of technology, it's easy to lose sight of the value of genuine human connection. We often rush through moments, failing to appreciate the simple joys of family, friendship, and community. But here's the thing – in this digital age, we have the opportunity to set an example for our children. By slowing down in November, we not only rediscover the beauty of gratitude, but we also teach our little ones to embrace the art of mindfulness. Amidst the chaos of modern life, we can guide them to pause, reflect, and appreciate the love and support that surrounds them. In this hurried world, the power of a genuine 'thank you' and a warm hug should never be underestimated.

So, as we enter this season of togetherness, let's make an extra effort to nurture gratitude within our families and communities. And if you're looking for a way to kickstart those gratitude conversations, check out this list of 100 gratitude prompts, perfect for family dinners or engaging your little ones in the spirit of appreciation or scroll down for my list of options you can try this month.

Slow November: Family Gratitude Ideas & Activities

Gratitude bags

(Make These at the Beginning of the month)

Recently I was chatting with a friend (David Berez), swapping family gratitude ideas and he shared a wonderful act his family preforms all throughout the year: Gratitude Bags.

Fill small resealable bags with 4 or 5 peices of candy (eh-hem maybe put the Halloween Candy to good use here) and then place a label on it, and maybe even sign your family’s names. Then keep the bags in your purse or diaper bag, because you will be on the lookout for everyday helpers in your life. Gift the bags to flight attendents, janitors, librarians, anyone who your kids would like to thank or made an impact on your family. You can do this when you are traveling or just running errands. Make sure to let your little one hand over the bag so they get the full effect that giving thanks can bring. Download this cute label if you need a place to start with your bags, I use the Avery 5160 template for the printing.

Community Gratitude Board

(Beginning of the Month)

If you live in a neighborhood where people walk dogs, push strollers, go for runs, and ride bike then set up a Community Gratitude Board in your front yard. You can use a white board or a chalkboard (just protect it from the weather.) If you live in an apartment building with a parking garage add it to your parking space! If you live in a place where outdoors is not possible then set up a Community Gratitude Board with an online program like Mural - and then share the link with friends and family on social media. At the end of the month take a photo or a screenshot of the board to share with neighbors and with your kids. Bonus: Have you kids contribute to the board once a week for extra practice!

Operation Gratitude 

(Beginning and throughout the month)

Each November, our family helps to send care packages to our active military via Operation Gratitude. November is a great time to thank these people who sacrifice so much and this year it’s more important than ever due to unrest in areas around the globe and increased troop deployment.

Operation Gratitude sends items like antibacterial wipes, coffee, candy and more in care packages and they are expecting around 12,000 care package requests by the end of this year alone. I let each child pick one or two items from the organizations wish list and they add their preference to my online shopping cart. Then we all pack the big box together, adding drawings and personal cards sharing our thanks. Operation Gratitude is a California corporation, granted 501(c)(3) exempt status by the IRS — you can learn more about them here.

Grateful Mealtime Ideas

(Thanksgiving Week)

There are so many ways to practice gratitude at the dinner table.

Watch this video for a few fresh ideas that include gratitude jars, gratitude linking chains and more.

Gratitude Savenger Hunt

(End of the Month)

I developed this scavenger hunt as something to do while the turkey cooked — but I think it also works great at the end of the month as a celebration for all your kids’ efforts. The “prize” at the end of the hunt is a list of things you appreciate about them and generosity can definitely be on that list. Reflecting on their grateful attitude during the month of November will pay off going into December allowing them to give and receive with more grace and awareness of the effort it takes.

I hope you enjoy taking November Back and the pause that can deepen our family connection to community and the world beyond. And until next time don’t you ever forget you are a GoodAF Mom. - Stef

What to read next…

Yes, the kids are worse for you - and now there's proof.

@hottomato1029

Youre doing good Mums! ❤️ Research on why kids are most brutal to their mothers…

♬ original sound - hottomato

So, you might have seen a TikTok recently claiming that kids are 800 times worse for their parents. It went viral, but here's the kicker – the so-called "study" it was based on was total fiction, cooked up by Mom News Daily. Still, it resonated with so many of us, and there's a reason why. Kids ARE worse for their parents, especially their mothers. But it's because they feel comfortable, safe, and supported around us. It's kind of like when you're with your best friend. You say and do things you'd never dream of at a cocktail party (unless you're three drinks in, of course!).

This is NOT REAL! But it feels it!

Kids with secure attachments know their parents will love and protect them no matter what - in fact, they rely on this fact for all of their growth. Without this feeling of safety and support, they would never explore their world and take risks. Think about it – it's much easier to try new things at work when you have a kind, supportive boss who won't fire you for making mistakes. Now try that except on overdrive - unconditional love means we are not going anywhere. And if your kid knows that — that’s a win, Mama.

But yes, there's no denying that sometimes being a mom feels like you've drawn the short straw, and it's not just now and then, but all the time. From the moment they wake up to when they go to sleep, it can feel like you're their personal punching bag. When you want one thing done, they are on the floor kicking and screaming. When you pick them up from a playdate, you’re told what an amazing eater they are. When they head out for the day with your partner or your parent, they're all sunshine and rainbows, and they all have “such a great time!”

For me, that last one stings the most. I know that if I were to take the kids to the Discovery Museum or the beach, some of it would be fun, but it would also be a constant tug of war. And when my partner or parents tell me about their amazing outings, it's hard not to feel a little resentment. Thoughts like, "How could you go out and have a good time? Motherhood should be like that for me!" sneak in. But the hard truth is that I'm the mother and those picture-perfect moments I thought I was destined for rarely happen. And there's real grief in that, Mama. I still feel it, even though my kids are almost teens.

And those experiences you thought you were destined for, the cuddly couch moments, the sharing of a picnic on the beach, the laughing together as you push the grocery cart, they die a death that breaks your heart. You thought motherhood would be filled with these moments, and it’s just not. And there is tremendous grief around that Mama. I know, I feel it still. It’s a sort of death, of all the experiences you thought would make motherhood feel worth it.

I think it’s important to talk about this grief because it is what binds us together as a community of moms. It’s the ideal we were fed that we would love motherhood, that it was so full of meaning that the crap that goes with it, the daily slog, the cultural expectations to be a super mom, the unequal distribution of the emotional load — that it would be all “worth it” but it falls short.

And maybe that’s why you are here on my page parentdifferently.com - because you want to find a way to parent differently - to parent with joy, fun, and gratitude because the daily grind just kinda sucks, doesn’t it? Well, I will tell you that there is no magic solution, but I do have a few ideas that will make it suck less. Starting by taking a step back and looking at your life from 8,000 feet up. What are you grateful for? What makes YOU a GoodAF mom? What parts of your life just light you up? What makes you excited to be alive? These are your “whys,” the reasons you get out of bed in the morning - and they matter even if they are a little cheesy. They matter because they are the foundation which you build every single day upon. A good intention will get you far, Mama (and that’s one of the reasons it’s the first step in the Parenting with Gratitude™ equation more here on that).

Long Term Practice to try

Gratitude and Savoring. Once you have your WHY in hand, the next thing you can try is Savoring - and I have a whole podcast on this practice. Whether it's your child's birthday or any special time, focus on your five senses – notice the crinkle of wrapping paper, the joy in their giggle, the smell of cupcakes baking, and the softness of their favorite shirt. Take your time to savor these moments, and they'll grow in your memory.

Something to do this week:

So, I’m not going to leave you high and dry here - It's important to address the sadness and discomfort, but it's also crucial to find immediate relief. For me, this is where a YES Day thrives.

A YES Day is a day when you say yes. A YES Day is a carefully planned and boundary-set day when you say "yes" more than usual. Discuss with your child how it'll look and what rules should be in place. Be prepared, and make it a special day, an oasis of joy and happiness in the midst of everyday life. Then, put your day on the calendar, the anticipation will be palpable! And on that day, be ready to savor the look on your kid’s face when you say yes, the fun things they come up with, and you do together - it will take you through a few more weeks. And maybe you put a yes day on the calendar every month - or once a school break - or just once a year. Whatever you do, it will be special, and I hope you enjoy the moments because a YES Day is really for you.

Don't forget, even when no one else in your house seems to notice, you are a GoodAF mom - Stef

What to read next…

The Myth of a Perfect Motherhood

EMBRACING SELF-GROWTH AND COMMUNITY

Motherhood today is a far cry from the idyllic images painted for us on our Instagram feeds. It's not a serene, monotone journey, but more like a crazy, emotional rollercoaster ride.

We are caught in the highs and lows of paradoxical emotions, battling the ever-looming "mom guilt" and trying to “enjoy every moment.” 🙄 What was once thought of as the epitome of a "good life" has evolved into a stressful mess. Why is this happening!? And how can we make it better?

Let's talk about the realities of modern motherhood, the myth of the maternal instinct, and how embracing self-growth and community could just be our ticket out of this chaos.

THE MYTH OF THE MATERNAL INSTINCT

Once upon a time, motherhood was seen as the ultimate path to happiness for women. It was believed that women possessed a natural maternal instinct that made parenting easy and immensely rewarding. However, today's reality couldn't be further from this ideal. Mothers face a myriad of emotions, from joy and gratitude to sadness and anxiety, all within the first 24 hours of welcoming a new baby into the world. The maternal ideal shatters for most women in those first moments, and they're left to grapple with a range of complex feelings that come up - especially shame.

UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL COMPLEXITY

Life is a tapestry of emotions, and many of the emotions we experience can be divided into two categories: positive and negative. Negative emotions like shame, anger, and fear prompt specific survival focused responses, limiting our thoughts and actions to mainly flight, fight or freeze. On the other hand, positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and awe don't trigger immediate action; instead, they broaden our perspective, opening us up to new ideas, concepts, and resources. This phenomenon is known as the "broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions" and was developed by Barbara Fredrickson in 1998.

SO, WHY DO THE FIRST DAYS OF MOTHERHOOD OFTEN FALL SHORT OF EXPECTATIONS?

The answer lies in the clash between personal experience and cultural norms. The cultural narrative of motherhood emphasizes its meaning and importance, but it also sets unattainable standards. Without the weight of cultural expectations, the well-being produced from our mother/child experience would be tremendous. Satisfaction and well-being are subjective, or shaped by individual perspectives, but when our experiences deviate from societal norms, our satisfaction can take a hit.

THE PURSUIT OF THE "GOOD LIFE"

The definition of a "good life" is a subject of debate among researchers and philosophers. Christopher Peterson (2006) argued that the most desirable state involves eudemonic harmony, or a balance between meaning, purpose, growth, and expansion. This balance can be achieved through self-actualization, self-reflection, and the discovery of positive character traits. And once we learn these skills, we aren't selfish; we use them to serve the greater community.

THE CHANGING FACE OF COMMUNITY

However, there's a notable difference between today's communities and those of previous generations: individualism. In the past, when the term "parent" primarily referred to mothers, there was a sense of community support. Neighbors, bus drivers, and extended families all looked out for children. Mothers had a robust network of help. But the rise of individualism has brought both freedom from gender-confining roles AND an increase in loneliness and depression rates (read more about that in Generations by Jean Twenge).

Maternal depression rates have risen, with one in ten children experiencing a depressed mother (Ertel, Rich-Edwards, & Koenen, 2011). A recent Pew Research poll found that 66% of mothers felt that parenting was "a lot harder" than they had anticipated. These factors, coupled other influences, have led to the lowest birth rate in US history.

(Read more about building community through simple gratitude events here.)

THE MYTH OF PARENTING PERFECTION

The message that parenting is "worth it" creates confusion when it doesn’t match reality, and it contributes to the perception that parenting is much harder than expected. By portraying the complete emotional landscape of parenting, we can acknowledge that “meaning” is derived not only from positive experiences but also from the negative ones. It was Peterson who points out that negative experiences act as signals, showing us the areas that need attention: "I'm angry when my kids don't listen because I feel unseen." But positive experiences motivate growth: "Hugging my kids after work calms me and provides the attention I need."

A GOOD LIFE ISN'T ALL GOOD

A good life doesn't have to be all good and there are certainly bad days. In fact, enriching experiences often stem from overcoming challenges. It's the negative experiences, just as much as the positive ones, that make parenting a source of well-being and life satisfaction. They inspire growth and self-reflection. With a shift towards more inclusive messaging and improved social support, future parents can step into the delivery room with a set of expectations that align with the realities they'll face. It's a journey filled with both ups and downs, guided by the compass of self-growth and supported by a caring community.

WHAT NOW?

The pursuit of a "good life" is a deeply personal journey. By acknowledging the diverse emotions that parenting can surface and shifting our societal narrative to one of inclusivity and support, we can navigate the challenges and joys of raising the next generation. It's time to embrace the full spectrum of parenting experiences, recognizing that a "good life" can be derived from both the positive and negative moments. In doing so, we can create a world we feel empowered to grow, learn, and thrive as we navigate the rewarding adventure of raising children.

- And don’t ever forget along that journey, you are a GoodAF Mom. - Stef

What to read next…

Gratitude Practice: Community Gratitude Events

Becoming a mother is a wild and life-altering experience. As moms, we navigate a whirlwind of emotions, from the overwhelming love for our little ones to the persistent worries about their safety and well-being. One thing we all want is for our children to grow up happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. But as the world changes around us, the way our children play and develop has evolved, often in ways that give us cause for concern.

The Decline of Unstructured Play

Unstructured playtime, where children use their imaginations and creativity to explore the world around them, has been on the decline in recent years (down by 50% in the last half decade!). Factors like fears, anxieties, and societal changes have led to the significant decrease and it has had a negative impact on our children's well-being.

Attachment theory, established by John Bowlby and Harry Harlow in the 1950s, emphasizes the basic needs for safety and exploration for children. It highlights that kids need to feel secure to play and explore the world. Now, to dig a bit deeper into what happened to play…the decline of unstructured play started before the current youth mental health crisis, during the '80s and '90s when kidnapping scares were widely publicized. Access to green spaces and varying crime levels across different socioeconomic groups further contributed to the decline.

As concerns for our children's safety have grown, parents from various economic backgrounds have responded differently. Some have enrolled their children in structured after-school programs, while others have chosen to keep them indoors (often relying on screen-time).

A Holistic Solution through Gratitude

I believe there's a simple solution to this, and it begins with sharing our thankfulness within our community. Practicing gratitude can have a big impact, like reducing our stress as parents, helping our kids become more independent and happier, and creating a safer and more trustworthy neighborhood for everyone.

History has shown that strong communities have a profound impact on individuals. Early research by Emile Durkheim revealed that individuals living alone or in less tight-knit communities had higher suicide rates. Recent studies, such as the work of James H. Fowler and Nicholas A. Christakis, have shown that when we're part of close-knit communities, we tend to be happier and have more vibrant social networks.

The Practice: Community Gratitude Events

Gratitude events that honor support people in our lives like librarians, crossing guards, and bus drivers remind us of how good our community already is. Gratitude can unite a community around a shared purpose, which can extend to advocating for systemic improvements, such as more green spaces and safe places for kids’ independent play.

When we all express gratitude together, it spreads a cultural message of kindness, understanding, and belonging. This makes kids feel safe and more supported by their community and helps them connect with their neighbors, which, in turn, builds the emotional strength they need for playing on their own.

The "Find, Bind, and Remind" Cycle

The cycle of "find, bind, and remind" promoted by gratitude also allows children to discover positive qualities in their playmates (finding), develop empathy (binding), and encourages them to spend more time together (reminding). Kids in the neighborhood form strong bonds, and that brings families closer as parents get to know each other through their children.

We all face safety issues and laws that make it challenging to give our children the freedom to explore as we once had. But collective bonding within a community is essential for enabling independent play to thrive. And while a neighborhood BBQ can serve as a community reminder, gratitude serves as a community binder. After all, when you know your neighbors are kind, caring and generous people, trust is built, and you are more likely to let your kids play on the sidewalk or walk to school or ride their bikes.

Give it a try

Give a gratitude event a try in your neighborhood and share your experiences with me! It can be as easy as hosting a little get-together in your garage, signing thank-you cards, and swapping stories while the kids draw with sidewalk chalk. It just amazing how by organizing a simple gratitude event that celebrate how connected our communities are, we can encourage independent play, too! Gratitude helps us build strong connections, no matter our background. So, embrace gratitude and strengthen your community bonds and you can ensure your kids grow up in a loving connected environment filled with independent play.

As moms we have the power to make a positive change in our communities and our kids' future. And despite what we have heard, it's not all bad out there! We can foster gratitude and work together to make sure our kids grow up in a world that treasures unstructured play, exploration, and the joy of making connections with others. And don’t you ever forget - you are a GoodAF Mom. - Stef

If you are ready for more community - join the monthly Gratitude Circle for moms.

Other Parenting with Gratitude™ Practices to try…

#MomLife Unfiltered: 5 Essential Ways to Keep It Real

“Gratitude serves as a foundation for nurturing connections with other parents and broadening our perspective. It empowers us to embrace our parenting mishaps as integral parts of our journeys, ensuring they do not overshadow our achievements.”

Have you ever found yourself scrolling social, comparing your parenting journey to those seemingly perfect families online? Or perhaps you've tried a 'quick and easy' toddler activity only to find it took hours to set up?

You're not alone. As mothers, we often wrestle with the pressure of high expectations, whether it's the quest for the perfect family photo or the desire for our little ones to embrace every meal we prepare. Just as Shakespeare once said, 'Expectations are the root of heartache.' These unattainable standards can affect how we view our success, self-worth, and even our daily interactions with our children — and they have a lot to do with just how loud our Mom Guilt can get.

The pursuit of high expectations and the desire for life to be a “certain way” are not new, and neither are their resulting negative consequences. They can lead to apathy, stress, and anxiety. These “high standards” can impose rules on our lives that feel so solid and unbreakable—until you start to notice they don’t have to be.

Here are five ways you can adjust your worldview and ground your expectations. Grounded expectations are not about letting things go or even going with the flow; instead, they are rooted in curiosity. What will happen when I try this new baby sleep routine? Or when I substitute sweet potatoes for carrots in this toddler meal? They allow room for growth through experience - and yes, even for mistakes.

Let’s get grounded:

1. Self-Awareness

Take the time to learn more about yourself as a parent. Explore your strengths and areas where you might need support. For example, you might discover that your patience and creativity make you excellent at finding fun toddler activities. Alternatively, you may realize that you thrive in a more flexible daily routine, and that's okay too. We are all unique parents, and what brings happiness and fulfillment can vary greatly from one parent to another. Getting to know yourself better is the first step in making parenting choices that align with your true desires and your child's needs.

2. Social Connection

Seek social connection and support from other parents. It's that reassuring feeling of 'Oh, it's not just me,' like when you discover that the struggles of motherhood are common to us all. This expanded viewpoint helps to balance and validate our personal experiences in realistic ways. For example, when you connect with other moms who have had success introducing toothbrushing, you can gain valuable insights that may help your personal toddler struggle. Through social support, you can establish parenting expectations grounded in real information (It took 6 months!), ultimately offering a more balanced approach to setting expectations for your family's future.

3. Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is a valuable skill, and yes, it can be challenging in a world driven by constant comparison. But it is an essential component of grounded expectations in the world of parenting. Gratitude serves as a foundation for nurturing connections with other parents and broadening our perspective. It empowers us to embrace our parenting mishaps as integral parts of our journeys, ensuring they do not overshadow our achievements. This website is a treasure trove of gratitude ideas - jump in!

4. Cultivate Optimism

This is not about being happy all the time; it's about nurturing the inherent goodness in our parenting journey. Martin Seligman, often regarded as the father of positive psychology, encourages us to view our inner dialogue as a simple way to cultivate optimism as a parent. He emphasizes that 'changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism.’

5. Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness, which involves noticing without judgment, is essential for avoiding getting too wrapped up in what 'could have been.' Overcoming our natural thought patterns takes practice. Mindfulness can take the form of a quick breathing exercise or simply taking a moment to be present with your little one. The key is to leave all judgment on the sidelines.

Remember, in the messy journey of motherhood, embracing your authentic self and grounding your expectations can lead to a more joyful and fulfilling parenting experience for both you and your little ones. After all good enough is GoodAF in my book - Stef

What to read next…

Finding the Energy: Balance Amidst the Chaos

You know that feeling when you have SO much to do and NO energy to do it?

Or that rare feeling like: “Wow, I finally feel energized but have no idea where to start!?”

Mismatched moments like these make us feel unbalanced, stressed and overwhelmed.

And we when we have an inbalance in our lives we generally feel off. Look at the “Invisible Load” of motherhood — it doesn’t feel good like: “Wow! I’m a great Mom for doing all these things” (even though it should) because of how imbalanced the load is. This feeling of “too much to do and too little time to do it” is an emotional state that brings up negative emotions like shame (I should be able to do it all) and anxiety (how will I do it all and its neverending) and withdrawal (there is so much to do I am not going to do anything at all).

Somatic Mindfulness is a simple way of purposefully focusing our attention to discover our emotional state without getting into the emotions of it all — and then matching that energy level to an equally demanding task.

The skill at the root of somatic mindfulness is noticing.

Yep, just paying attention. Now that feels doable doesn’t it? And we can break it down to something even more simple. Like a sort of somatic self-care - or paying attention to the state of our body. How our body feels can be an basic gateway to a broader awareness of our state — or how we feel emotionally, physically and mentally in the moment. Directing our attention to rest on our body is the “somatic” peice. It takes thinking out of the equation and only focuses on sensations in the body. It takes a little practice because our bodies throw up road blocks, in simalar ways that our minds distract us with planning and examining when we self-reflect. Just keep that in mind!

Let’s use an example of filling the dishwasher after dinner. While on the surface this may seem like a simple task, but after the juggernaut that is cooking dinner for a household of small hangry people who don’t really enjoy your cooking, you’re exhausted. Your energy level is low. However your partner is working late and the dishes have to get done, so you put a movie on for the kids, and dig in.

The sink is full, you will probably have to run the machine in the AM again just to catch up. As you start to load the dishes your youngest comes in complaining about her brother sitting in her couch seat, so you stop to deal with the argument. (Wet hands and all.) You’re running out of patience and the overwhelming emotions you usually have a handle on are starting to come to the surface…not your best work with the kids - but you’re back to the dishes. Trying to be fast, you break a plate on the way to putting it in the dishwasher. This is the last straw. And you begin to cry. It’s just too much. What should you do now?

This is where somatic mindfulness can step in. Noticing the state of your body is less cognitively taxing than stopping and examining why you are crying - that’s way more complex and takes a lot more time and energy. Could you just for a moment shut off the water, and stand there among the broken chards of ceramic and feel into your body? When you do this it will almost feel like gift, the gift of attention. A simple example of a somatic exercise is a body scan but you don’t even need to do that in this situation. Just stop, breath and feel. What does it feel like in your chest, your arms, your face, behind your eyes? How are you holding your hands?

This curious looking requires that you drop any opinions. Nothing that your body is doing is right or wrong - it just is.

This is mindfulness in action - the looking around without judgement. Now once you have taken the moment, go ahead and sweep up the broken plate pieces. Check on the kids and then it’s time to take a moment to relfect. What is your body telling you? Is this the right time to be taking on this task? How much energy does your body have to offer? How much energy does the task demand? (Keep in mind you are also parenting at the same time.) If you body is tight and your heart rate elevated this may be a sign that you need a reset - a break mama - and how long that break will be depends on how tight and stressed your body is and how much energy the task you want to finish requires. It may not be a break that you need either, it could mean a lot of things like you need to put music on or laugh a little. You will build up your toolkit over time as you learn more about what works for you.

When we do this consistently we get to know the cues our bodies provide us at every stage of our routine (including before we break the plate). Maybe tonight was a night where you needed to sit on the couch with the kids for 10 minutes in between the dinner chaos and the clean up one. Or maybe if you checked in with your body and you found your energy levels were still pretty good, maybe tonight was the night that you could handle teaching your oldest to help you load the dishwasher.

Practicing mindfulness is not only about noticing our habitual thought patterns or emotional reactions. It is also noticing our somatic state or what messages our bodies are trying to share. And noticing them with kindness and compassion will lead to us to our next steps no matter the state we are in. With this knowledge we can balance our tasks with the energy we have available to us and even maybe get more done - whether that’s the dishes or self-care.

No matter where you find your balance, don’t ever forget you are a GoodAF mom. - Stef

What to read next…

World Gratitude Day: Family Activites

Who will you thank this year on World Gratitude Day?

We can reserve each September as a time to share appreciation and thanks since World Gratitude Day happens every year!

This is great because we need a yearly reminder to thank all the people who support us, from caregivers to UPS drivers - instead of the more hectic, holiday-focused November Thanksgiving.

Take the time to offer your gratitude in the form of eye contact, a friendly thank you and well wishes, or a letter from the family for someone extra special.

Here are a few kid-approved ideas for adding gratitude to your September dinner table as well.

And don’t forget, you are a GoodAF Mom — Stef

How to Stay Grounded Amidst Parenting Chaos

Cultivating Equanimity: Finding Emotional Groundedness Amidst the Chaos

Understanding Equanimity: The Key to Overcoming Overwhelm and Anxiety

Equanimity, a word not often heard in everyday conversation, is simply learning the skills of emotional groundedness and non-reactivity. Cultivating equanimity can be a transformative practice in the whirlwind of motherhood and its overwhelming moments. In this blog post, I will get into the concept of equanimity, explore its relevance to motherhood, and uncover practical strategies for embracing it amidst the chaos. Let’s learn more about equanimity by understanding what it is not. We can learn to navigate the storms of motherhood with grace, resilience, and a sense of calm if we also understand the different states of overwhelm many mothers experience.

Motherhood presents us with two distinct forms of overwhelm. The first pops up when we feel saturated and like we have NO choices. We get caught in a sensory overload or a whirlwind of emotions. We freeze, feel stuck, and powerless. The second type emerges from uncertainty and anxiety, where our minds fill the void of "not knowing" with so many horrible possibilities. We spin our wheels, consumed by worry and indecision. Both forms of overwhelm can leave us feeling trapped and emotionally drained.

Weathering the Storm: Equanimity as a Powerful Tool for Stress Management

Motherhood, particularly in the first five years, is filled with constant stress activation. As stress researcher Dr. Elissa Epel emphasizes in her book, "The Stress Prescription," everyone has a unique stress starting baseline. This “baseline” determines how much additional stress we can handle. When our baseline is already high due to the challenges of motherhood, unexpected events (insert toddler playing in the toilet) can cause it to spike even higher. And since we carry a higher baseline during this part of our lives, developing equanimity becomes essential for maintaining balance amidst the chaos.

Imagine motherhood as a house you've built on a beautiful piece of land. The weather that comes and goes represents the ever-changing nature of children—sometimes sunny, other times stormy. Some days are delightful, while others bring destruction and chaos. However, much like the weather, we cannot control our children's behavior entirely. Instead, we must focus on responding to the storms they bring and finding equanimity in the face of challenging moments.

Building Equanimity: Practices for Grounding and Regulating

To develop equanimity, it is essential to engage in grounding/mindfulness practices regularly. These practices allow us to find emotional stability amidst the storm. The one I always start with is getting outside to take a walk and deliberately noticing the awe-inspiring elements of my surroundings. A simple walk around the block, focusing on gratitude for our community, can bring a sense of calm to both ourselves and the toddler will bring along.

Interacting with pets is another great source of grounding and regulation. If they let you, taking the time to brush the family dog or engaging in playtime with cats helps anchor us in the present moment. Animals possess a remarkable ability to offer comfort and regulation, even during chaotic times.

Unveiling the Power of Equanimity: How Mindfulness Transforms Parenting

Ok, and finally, utilizing moments of calm and sunshine to practice mindfulness allows us to experience the present moment fully. A body scan is a simple practice where we explore each part of our bodies while expressing gratitude for their contributions to our well-being. It can be done anywhere you find yourself sitting. You can also practice mindfulness by active listening. While your preschooler tells you his story for the nth time, stay in the present moment, notice your thoughts, and let them pass. Allow your attention to rest completely on the content of their story. Ask questions, and engage only when they finish their run-on sentences.

These seemingly simple grounding exercises lay the foundation for cultivating equanimity. And they can be practiced when things are GOOD, not out of control.

Empowering Yourself with Equanimity: Cultivating Emotional Strength and Perspective

It is important to remember that equanimity does not overwrite or replace big emotions or challenging situations. Instead, it allows us to navigate them confidently, free from excessive reactivity or resistance (even if it’s just 10% less reactivity). By embracing equanimity, we acknowledge that stressors come from outside of us, but trigger internal responses. Cultivating this relationship with stressors empowers us to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.

Embracing Grace and Equanimity: Finding Peace amidst the Challenges of Motherhood

As mothers, we often blame ourselves for the chaos and self-doubt that can accompany parenting. However, it is important to recognize that these challenges are not our fault. Embracing equanimity means offering ourselves grace and accepting the realities of motherhood without judgment. Through this self-compassionate lens, we can find peace within the storm.

In the journey of motherhood, cultivating equanimity is a valuable practice that allows us to weather ups and downs with grace, resilience, and calm. By differentiating between overwhelming states and the groundedness of equanimity, we can develop strategies to find emotional stability amidst the chaos. Remember, even with all the messiness and challenges, you are a GoodAF Mom. - Stef

What to read next..

Why Most Parenting Advice Doesn't Work.

Parenting can be a real sh*&show, with ups and downs, challenges, and moments of sheer joy. And our commitment to becoming “better” parents often motivates us to look to books, experts, and well-meaning advice from family and friends. But have you ever wondered why some of that advice feels like it doesn’t fit your child (or your patience level)? And it just leaves you feeling frustrated and like a failure? Well, you’re not alone. We’re gonna talk about the reasons why common parenting advice seems like a setup and uncover a few hidden truths that can transform your approach to this thing we call “motherhood.”

The Cycle of Shame and Blame

One of the main reasons most parenting advice fails is that it’s written for a broad audience. And while inclusivity is important, a generalized approach can overlook where we are in our self-healing journey and the emotional complexity we experience as mothers. For example, when we're triggered by our children's behavior and asked to “remain calm”, for some of us, that can feel impossible. The resulting onslaught of shame and blame (aka Mom Guilt) feeds an ongoing cycle: we feel small, flawed, and never good enough. Recognizing that shame is a powerful emotion, as highlighted by Brené Brown, allows us to approach parenting with greater self-compassion and understanding.

“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” - Brené Brown

Understanding Inner Motivation

Examining our inner motivations is crucial to navigating the complicated task of modern parenting. Are we striving to be more present parents and foster deeper connections with our children, or are we solely focused on changing their behavior? Uncovering your true intentions will help match your daily actions and expectations with what truly matters to you and your children. For instance, if we find ourselves hating to repeat instructions, that may come from feeling unheard and unimportant. And if we look deeper, we might discover that this is a wound from our own childhood that we unintentionally bring into our parenting. In reality, many children respond to different methods of instruction, but if our wounds bring us directly to frustration, we will never have the chance to access our creativity and curiosity about our children’s motivations.

The Complexity of Communication

And when it comes to communication and getting our children to listen, it's essential to consider their unique temperaments and needs. What works for one child may not work for another. For example, expecting an immediate response from a child deep in imaginative play might require something different than simply asking. Understanding that some children respond better to touch or gentle reminders allows us to adapt our communication styles and build stronger connections with them.

The Power of Self-Work

Parenting advice can be valuable, but it becomes truly effective when combined with self-work. Each child is unique, and so are you. Embracing and honoring everyone’s uniqueness, rather than trying to fit it all into a mold of generalized parenting “hacks,” can be crucial. Engaging in self-reflection, gratitude practices, mindfulness, therapy, and empathy towards ourselves and our children creates a nice foundation for THEN implementing expert advice with much better chances for success.

“Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.” - Brené Brown

Embracing your inner GoodAF Mom

To be the best mom we can be, it's important to remember that we are already GoodAF. Yes you are worthy of the title even if you are imperfect — in fact, embracing our imperfections is key to building healthy relationships with our children. The internal dialogue and expectations we place on ourselves often complicate our interactions more than the actual situations themselves. By prioritizing our own well-being and investing in self-work, we can approach parenting from a place of authenticity, empathy, and love.

While parenting advice can provide guidance and insights, it's essential to recognize its limitations. Honoring our emotional journeys, the individuality of our children, and the need for personal growth enables us to navigate motherhood with greater grace and equanimity. By embracing our GoodAF Mom intentions and combining self-work with expert advice, we can create a nurturing environment that celebrates our children's unique strengths and honors their overall well-being.

Remember, you are a GoodAF mom, capable of navigating this beautiful and chaotic journey just with the wisdom of your heart alone. - Stef

Where should my 2-year-old sleep and other questions...

I am going to answer a few questions over the coming month about how to handle common Childhood Sleep problems.

• Where should a 2-year-old sleep?

• If your 4-year-old wakes over and over in the middle of the night, what should you do?

• If your 6-year-old still wets the bed, is that OK?

This week it’s: Where should a 2-year-old sleep?

OK, so if you have this question, your toddler is probably not sleeping where you’d like them to, right? Well, before I even get to the advice I have as a long-time professional nanny, I want to say that kids’ sleeping arrangements vary depending on a ton of factors, including cultural practices, individual preferences, and safety considerations. The arrangement should not depend on what society says you should do or what your mother-in-law thinks is right or “normal.” If you can, start this process by talking to your partner and coming up with a plan that feels best for you and your family as a whole.

Here are some common options for a 2-year-old's sleeping arrangement:

(I also made you a Pinterest Board of options if you are a visual learner - follow me here)

• A Toddler-Sized Bed: Many parents transition their 2-year-olds from cribs to toddler beds at this age because many kids start to climb out or are ready to learn more independent skills. A toddler-sized bed is specifically designed for toddlers and typically features safety sides to prevent falls or you can add your own rail. Toddler beds provide a sense of independence while maintaining a secure sleeping environment. Cons to this choice are they are free to roam their room, which means if you haven’t babyproofed, you will need to.

• A Shared Bed: Some families choose to co-sleep with their toddlers, allowing the family to sleep in the same bed. The pros to co-sleeping are a sense of closeness and it does help to make nighttime parenting easier, particularly for kids who wake up a lot or are still breastfeeding. Cons to co-sleeping at 2 years old are generally around space issues and parental privacy (and, to be honest, whether or not you are “touched out” because you spend the entire daytime with your child too).

• Room Sharing: Another option is to have your 2-year-old sleep in the same room as you but in a separate bed. Pros: Room sharing promotes a feeling of security for more sensitive temperaments and allows you to respond quickly to your child's needs if they wake in the night. Cons to this option are if you have a child who wants to sleep in your bed, they will end up there most nights.

• Independent Room: If you do not want to bed share, then the option is to have them sleep in their own room. This can promote a sense of independence and provide everyone with an environment for uninterrupted sleep. I strongly suggest minimizing toy options to a few they like, and un-rippable books, and, of course, childproof. After that, it’s up to you to choose between a toddler bed or a twin mattress on the floor.

• Independent Room Bed-Share: Finally, you can set up their room as stated above but provide a mattress on the floor big enough for you both. So if you like the pros of co-sleeping but are looking for a little privacy and alone time, this option offers the ability to tag-team with your partner every few nights and still be comfortable.

In the end, the choice of where a 2-year-old should sleep depends on what you want. Do you want to sleep with your child each night? Do you want to put them to bed and then have a night on your own? Do you have other kids who have different needs? Etc.

Also, it’s important to state that teaching a child to fall asleep independently can be taught using a shared bed and/or in their own room. To do this, you need to create a sleep environment that supports healthy sleep habits (and is safe), and then you need a bedtime routine and behavior plan. Consulting with your pediatrician or a sleep consultant can really help when it comes to bedtime battles.

Here are some experts and references that you can consult for further info:

• First of all, try my book: The Middle of the Night Book, if you have a child who fights sleep or wakes in the middle of the night. The book uses a body-scan meditation to help your child notice their sleepiness, and it’s also a great book to wind down with for parents.

• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP): The AAP provides guidelines and recommendations on various aspects of child health, including sleep. Their website offers resources on safe sleep practices and age-appropriate sleeping arrangements for toddlers. You can visit their official website at www.aap.org.

• Dr. Jodi Mindell: Dr. Jodi Mindell is an OG pediatric sleep expert and author of the book "Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep." Her work focuses on understanding and improving sleep patterns in children of different ages, including toddlers.

• National Sleep Foundation (NSF): The NSF is a nonprofit organization that promotes healthy sleep and provides information on sleep-related topics. They offer resources on sleep guidelines for different age groups, including toddlers. Visit their website at www.sleepfoundation.org

• Sleep Consultants: Experts like these can provide personalized plans tailored to your child's specific needs and circumstances. These professionals have expertise in child development and can offer practical advice on sleep routines and appropriate sleeping arrangements for 2-year-olds. My recommendation is Mindful Sleep.

  Remember always to consider your child's unique personality and your own needs when deciding this all. And no matter what you choose (and whether it works or not), you are a GoodAF Mom! - Stef

The Middle of the Night Book

$10.95

Quantity:

Purchase

A Letter to the Lonely Mom

To the mom who feels alone:

Hey Mama,

I hope this letter finds you surrounded by people you love (though I understand that motherhood can sometimes leave us feeling isolated and disengaged even when children are all around.)

I wanted to remind you that you deserve Joy. I know that joy can seem like the farthest thing from your grasp when your world feels heavy and you're tired as F$%& ALL the time. Like it's hiding beneath a mountain of diapers, sleepless nights, and endless tasks of motherhood, trust me. I get it. But here's the thing: Joy doesn't have to be an extra or a luxury reserved for a distant future. It can be right here, right now, within your reach. And that's exactly why I wrote this letter.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Fair Play + Unicorn Space (@fairplaylife)

First and foremost, it's okay to feel overwhelmed, burned out, and alone. Motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it's natural to have moments of doubt or isolation, not to mention society has high expectations of us. But please remember, you are doing an incredible job, and you are a GoodAF Mom.

Now, let's talk about connection as a source for Joy.

Building connections with fellow moms can be a game-changer. When all the tasks of motherhood take up your time, the joy found in friendship may feel like an extra. Seek out local mom groups, parenting classes, or online communities where you can also meet other moms in the grips of chaos. Share your stories, ask for advice, and be open to offering support to others. Sometimes, all it takes is one genuine connection to boost your mood and remind you that you are not alone on this journey.

Sharing our common humanity is a powerful tool that many of us overlook.

Of course, in addition to seeking connections, I encourage you to explore the power of gratitude. Gratitude can act as a nightlight that guides us through our darker moments, legos on the floor and all. Take a few moments each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. They can be moments of joy in connection, acts of kindness from others, or even the strength you find within yourself. Cultivating gratitude helps shift our perspective and allows us to find beauty in the everyday moments of motherhood.

Maybe you could start a gratitude journal (or find a daily gratitude practice that works for you) where you can reflect on the things you are thankful for each day. This practice helps you focus on the positive aspects of your life and can help you remember what you have and do is enough, no matter how challenging things may seem.

You choose your village.

Remember, it's okay to ask for help. Reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can provide support and lend a listening ear. You deserve a support system that understands and empathizes with what you're going through. Don't hesitate to lean on them during moments when you need a little extra support.

Choose Yourself First

And lastly, be gentle with yourself. Motherhood is filled with constant learning, growth, and love. Embrace the beautiful chaos as much as you can, and know that you are enough and enough is GoodAF. You are never a failure in your children's eyes, and your love and presence make a world of difference.

Sending you strength, love, and the assurance that you are never alone. Together, we can find our people, cultivate gratitude, and navigate the joys and challenges of motherhood.

Don’t ever forget you are a GoodAF Mom - Stef